Post by ΒΑЯЯЕԼ on Jun 1, 2016 20:41:28 GMT -6
Like straight out of those cheaply made horror movies, Paranormal Activity.. The Blair Witch Project, we find ourselves at what at first looked to be a candid, almost home video shot of an apartment that had clothes scattered all through the place and a multitude of hats. Fixed in on the kitchen, a voice- a bit gruff,
"Me name Chris Dub Monster, I eat fear!"
"What?! Who said that?!"
"Me say that!"
One of the voices heard belonged to the IMPURE Champion Barrel, he looked from his seated position behind the counter which cut off most of his body due to the angle the camera was pointed from at.
"Who!?"
"ME!"
"Me name Chris Dub Monster, I eat fear!"
"What?! Who said that?!"
"Me say that!"
One of the voices heard belonged to the IMPURE Champion Barrel, he looked from his seated position behind the counter which cut off most of his body due to the angle the camera was pointed from at.
"Who!?"
"ME!"
Slowly emerging from the side of Barrel, the big man threw his head away from the object as he nodded in it's direction. The "thing" was mainly colored different changes of blue with a purple belt-buckle, purple hands and purple.. horns? It had three white eyes with a black dot at the center and five jagged teeth- only at the top though, nothing on the bottom row.
"What are you? What are you doing at my place? Did Chris Williams conjure the Beezelbub?!"
"No! I are Chris Dub Monster and I will eat your fear! HOO-HAH!"
"Wait.. You're the monster Chris said he had locked away that made him the scariest son of a bitch MSW will ever see?"
"That are me."
"If that was the case.. Why did he lose to a 12 year old look-a-like in Artemis Kaiser for the Pure 15 Trophy?"
"I was watching Wolverines football."
"Still, that's no reason for him to lose. I mean yeah, he let you loose because he had to match wits with a REAL monster but c'mon.. if he couldn't even get one over on Wednesday Addams what makes him or you think you're going to beat me? I may be hurt but I'm not hopeless. It's not like I lost feeling in my legs and I'm brain dead- I feel disrespected at that."
"Good, we is evil."
"You look like you're Sully from Monster Inc's inbred brother, you don't scare me."
"THE BEAST IS LOOSE!"
"I hope so, it's the only way Williams is going to leave Unstoppable conscious. He's gonna need to embrace you- he's gonna need to tap into that chakra source Naruto style. I mean you're far from the Nine.. Eight.. Seven.. Six.. Five.. Four.. Three.. Two.. or One Tailed demon, I doubt you're able to give him anything of value- if you did then he would be MSW Champion as we speak. You seem to be a really useless monster- what exactly is your purpose?"
"To eat fear."
Barrel paused and scratched at his goatee with his thumb before shrugging.
"I don't know what that means but whatever, that's cool. What's your name anyway?"
"No name, just Chris Dub Monster."
"No name? Yeah, you've gotta be from Michigan."
"HARBAUGH-LALALALALALALA"
"Whoa, calm down little buddy! Chill- let's get back on track here. I figure you were the voice in Chris' head telling him to question my killer instinct and put his over mine.. right?"
"That was me."
"Why?"
"Because I are a monster and Chris am weak. Chris am so weak he need to make you miserable like he is with Otter and Max Mini Jackson! He no trust them like you trust Frankie and Crew, he is very scared his heart pump Kool-Aid."
"I already knew that but thanks for the confirmation."
"He wants to Sow the Seeds of Distrust and make you question yourself because he cannot beat you. He will try and distract you with whatever he can, in this case your place in The Crew. He want to see Barrel grrrr- mad, he want to see Barrel grrr- lose his temper and become unstable monster because then he will capitalize on that."
"But I'm not a mindless fool, I can control myself."
"Chris no think so. Chris think you are just Frankie servant, Chris want to make Frankie and Barrel split."
"So Chris is trying to be Yoko Ono?"
"Chris love The Bee Gees."
"Makes sense."
There was a pause now as Barrel looked over Chris Williams' apparent "free" monster that had showed up, he couldn't really take his eyes off of the ridiculous looking thing. He also was confused when he spoke to it, which eye did he look into to not disrespect the beast? The one eye above the other two? One of the left and the one above that? These questions needed answers but maybe another time- for now, Barrel wanted to continue his deep conversation with this monster- he wanted to figure out Chris Williams' approach so he could make sure he was ready for anything Chris and his monster would throw in his way.
"I do have one question though, why are you here? I thought Chris said you weren't to be released until Unstoppable?"
There was no immediate response- instead, Chris' monster stared straight ahead.
"Yo, Blue Guy?"
"Because, Chris love Tom Brady and Desmond Howard."
"Really?!"
"He also love Charles Woodson and Bo Schembechler."
"So he keeps his love for the Wolverines in the closet with you.. and possibly his sexuality?"
"Yes. He secretly love Theo Vega and his chest hair. Chris has a bubblegum shrine of Theo that he worships every night."
"Theo is pretty awesome, can't blame Chris there. I mean the whole shrine thing is kinda extreme but hey- whatever floats his boat, right? I'm not gonna sit here and judge the guy, I'll make sure to let Theo know so when he's in the shower he doesn't have Williams trying to catch a peek at'em or something."
"He already has."
Barrel gasped- his eyes went wide as he looked at the monster- the monster looked at him as Barrel shook his head.
"Unbelievable. If we were in the 80s I'd call him "Cunning" Chris Williams for his ninja-like ability.. but you know what he's not going to be able to ninja out of? What happens at Unstoppable. Even with you loose and calling the shots, it won't make a difference. My knee is banged up but that doesn't change the fact that I've got enough in me to not just take Williams down and out- but to continue the trend and repeat the process with- as you called them- Otter and Max Mini.. by the way, are you also the same monster that Frank Debauchee has locked away? The whole screwing the names up of people is Frank's deal, I don't want to wake up to a cease and desist due to copyright infringement or anything."
"Frank monster named Bagaloogah."
"Oh.. Cool."
"But I must go, Chris said we need to eat Beef Broccoli to boost protein."
"Wa-"
Before Barrel could say anything, Chris' monster vanished. Barrel looked high and low from his seated position and shrugged both shoulders before looking up at the camera.
"Chris you need to keep your beast on a leash, he can't be showing up uninvited like that. If I was healthy I definitely would have kicked him back into whatever Neather-Realm he came from!"
Chuckling, he continued.
"Through it all Chris, the one thing that keeps coming back to me is how you want to question what I'm doing with The Capital Crew. No- not our actions that obviously the people love which is why we're so damn popular- but rather, my "acceptance" as you wanna claim in being the 'beta' of the Crew behind Frankie. What you don't understand is in this group- we're akin to an Ambush of Tigers. We're solo predators but just like a pack of tigers- which is unnatural, we came together in a man-made habitat to survive. MSW is definitely man-made, Cornelius is trying to break us so we decided to band together to fight the system. Scientifically it can't be explained why- unlike lions, tigers don't follow a hierarchy system but that's what we are- we're a god damned family and no matter how hard you try to plant seeds of distrust- it ain't happening. I ain't you and Frankie ain't Badger, we know it's ride or die.. Can you say the same? Can you guarantee that at Unstoppable if push comes to shove and The Crew make their presence felt you've got the backing of Garland? Jackson is gonna be there I don't doubt the midget. But that still puts you at a 2 on 5, possibly 3 if Badger wakes up on the right side of the bed on Saturday."
With another pause, Barrel stood up very slowly.
"Come Unstoppable you're gonna see that the pecking order of The Capital Crew is the least of your worries. You're the Alpha, huh? Alphas don't lose titles and shots, they win them. From what I seen you couldn't close the deal with Kaiser or with Frankie- which negates that. You're not even a beta- Chris.. You're just a never-was. IMPURE.. Pure.. You can't win."
And.. we.. fade.
"Wait.. You're the monster Chris said he had locked away that made him the scariest son of a bitch MSW will ever see?"
"That are me."
"If that was the case.. Why did he lose to a 12 year old look-a-like in Artemis Kaiser for the Pure 15 Trophy?"
"I was watching Wolverines football."
"Still, that's no reason for him to lose. I mean yeah, he let you loose because he had to match wits with a REAL monster but c'mon.. if he couldn't even get one over on Wednesday Addams what makes him or you think you're going to beat me? I may be hurt but I'm not hopeless. It's not like I lost feeling in my legs and I'm brain dead- I feel disrespected at that."
"Good, we is evil."
"You look like you're Sully from Monster Inc's inbred brother, you don't scare me."
"THE BEAST IS LOOSE!"
"I hope so, it's the only way Williams is going to leave Unstoppable conscious. He's gonna need to embrace you- he's gonna need to tap into that chakra source Naruto style. I mean you're far from the Nine.. Eight.. Seven.. Six.. Five.. Four.. Three.. Two.. or One Tailed demon, I doubt you're able to give him anything of value- if you did then he would be MSW Champion as we speak. You seem to be a really useless monster- what exactly is your purpose?"
"To eat fear."
Barrel paused and scratched at his goatee with his thumb before shrugging.
"I don't know what that means but whatever, that's cool. What's your name anyway?"
"No name, just Chris Dub Monster."
"No name? Yeah, you've gotta be from Michigan."
"HARBAUGH-LALALALALALALA"
"Whoa, calm down little buddy! Chill- let's get back on track here. I figure you were the voice in Chris' head telling him to question my killer instinct and put his over mine.. right?"
"That was me."
"Why?"
"Because I are a monster and Chris am weak. Chris am so weak he need to make you miserable like he is with Otter and Max Mini Jackson! He no trust them like you trust Frankie and Crew, he is very scared his heart pump Kool-Aid."
"I already knew that but thanks for the confirmation."
"He wants to Sow the Seeds of Distrust and make you question yourself because he cannot beat you. He will try and distract you with whatever he can, in this case your place in The Crew. He want to see Barrel grrrr- mad, he want to see Barrel grrr- lose his temper and become unstable monster because then he will capitalize on that."
"But I'm not a mindless fool, I can control myself."
"Chris no think so. Chris think you are just Frankie servant, Chris want to make Frankie and Barrel split."
"So Chris is trying to be Yoko Ono?"
"Chris love The Bee Gees."
"Makes sense."
There was a pause now as Barrel looked over Chris Williams' apparent "free" monster that had showed up, he couldn't really take his eyes off of the ridiculous looking thing. He also was confused when he spoke to it, which eye did he look into to not disrespect the beast? The one eye above the other two? One of the left and the one above that? These questions needed answers but maybe another time- for now, Barrel wanted to continue his deep conversation with this monster- he wanted to figure out Chris Williams' approach so he could make sure he was ready for anything Chris and his monster would throw in his way.
"I do have one question though, why are you here? I thought Chris said you weren't to be released until Unstoppable?"
There was no immediate response- instead, Chris' monster stared straight ahead.
"Yo, Blue Guy?"
"Because, Chris love Tom Brady and Desmond Howard."
"Really?!"
"He also love Charles Woodson and Bo Schembechler."
"So he keeps his love for the Wolverines in the closet with you.. and possibly his sexuality?"
"Yes. He secretly love Theo Vega and his chest hair. Chris has a bubblegum shrine of Theo that he worships every night."
"Theo is pretty awesome, can't blame Chris there. I mean the whole shrine thing is kinda extreme but hey- whatever floats his boat, right? I'm not gonna sit here and judge the guy, I'll make sure to let Theo know so when he's in the shower he doesn't have Williams trying to catch a peek at'em or something."
"He already has."
Barrel gasped- his eyes went wide as he looked at the monster- the monster looked at him as Barrel shook his head.
"Unbelievable. If we were in the 80s I'd call him "Cunning" Chris Williams for his ninja-like ability.. but you know what he's not going to be able to ninja out of? What happens at Unstoppable. Even with you loose and calling the shots, it won't make a difference. My knee is banged up but that doesn't change the fact that I've got enough in me to not just take Williams down and out- but to continue the trend and repeat the process with- as you called them- Otter and Max Mini.. by the way, are you also the same monster that Frank Debauchee has locked away? The whole screwing the names up of people is Frank's deal, I don't want to wake up to a cease and desist due to copyright infringement or anything."
"Frank monster named Bagaloogah."
"Oh.. Cool."
"But I must go, Chris said we need to eat Beef Broccoli to boost protein."
"Wa-"
Before Barrel could say anything, Chris' monster vanished. Barrel looked high and low from his seated position and shrugged both shoulders before looking up at the camera.
"Chris you need to keep your beast on a leash, he can't be showing up uninvited like that. If I was healthy I definitely would have kicked him back into whatever Neather-Realm he came from!"
Chuckling, he continued.
"Through it all Chris, the one thing that keeps coming back to me is how you want to question what I'm doing with The Capital Crew. No- not our actions that obviously the people love which is why we're so damn popular- but rather, my "acceptance" as you wanna claim in being the 'beta' of the Crew behind Frankie. What you don't understand is in this group- we're akin to an Ambush of Tigers. We're solo predators but just like a pack of tigers- which is unnatural, we came together in a man-made habitat to survive. MSW is definitely man-made, Cornelius is trying to break us so we decided to band together to fight the system. Scientifically it can't be explained why- unlike lions, tigers don't follow a hierarchy system but that's what we are- we're a god damned family and no matter how hard you try to plant seeds of distrust- it ain't happening. I ain't you and Frankie ain't Badger, we know it's ride or die.. Can you say the same? Can you guarantee that at Unstoppable if push comes to shove and The Crew make their presence felt you've got the backing of Garland? Jackson is gonna be there I don't doubt the midget. But that still puts you at a 2 on 5, possibly 3 if Badger wakes up on the right side of the bed on Saturday."
With another pause, Barrel stood up very slowly.
"Come Unstoppable you're gonna see that the pecking order of The Capital Crew is the least of your worries. You're the Alpha, huh? Alphas don't lose titles and shots, they win them. From what I seen you couldn't close the deal with Kaiser or with Frankie- which negates that. You're not even a beta- Chris.. You're just a never-was. IMPURE.. Pure.. You can't win."
And.. we.. fade.
