From the Distracted Mind of Johnny B.

Johnny B., Saint Tuck, Mike Harrison, Ian Windermear, Leo Banks, Matt Ward, Jackal, Daniel Smart.

The first round of names to reach the next rung on the MSW Championship ladder. Cool. Right on. Awesome.

But let's talk more about that Johnny B. character, shall we? Sounds like a pretty cool guy.

Oh wait... that's me!

I'm Johnny B., and I approve this article.

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When I was told that the talent pool here was so large that all of us from last week's Unstoppable show would need to take a break this week, I thought to myself, "Self, the fuck you get your bitch-ass into?"

But then I thought to myself, "Self, idiot, you're getting paid to chill out, so shut the fuck up, son!"

So here I am keeping myself occupied by typing out this article. Of course, The Johnny don't prepare anything up ahead of time, so I'm actually stuck doing this, but have no clue what to type. I mean, sure, I could make mention of my next opponent at the next next episode of Unstoppable, St. Tuck, but St. Tuck that!

Instead then, I'll let you all know what I think of the MSW thus far. Despite my initial disappointment in your state's shitty plants and trees, and despite the terrifyingly large amount of people who just carry guns around like it's their constitutional right or something, and even despite the fact that I think too many people here are taking themselves too seriously and are so full of themselves they could mass-produce their own clones, Missouri State Wrestling's all right, I guess.

A lot of people know each other from other promotions, but the only people who I recognize 100% are fellow UWWE alumni Giant and Salman Van Dam, I think. Giant for sure. Pretty sure I saw him around, anyway. Other names I've heard of here and there, but that's it. So everyone hangs with their own little cliques, and the only people here who I've gotten to know in the past year or so are -shudder- Matt Ward, who looks a bit different from last I saw him, and Bryan York who, despite being the person to initially inform me of the existence of MSW, has yet to do fuck all here. Thanks, York. Again.

The general feel of the promotion is fairly laid-back at times as they are a newer company, but I don't know. I just get this weird vibe from everyone around here. It's like, if they don't know you personally or at least know of you, then you didn't exist before you came here. The Johnny don't like that. What if everyone said "Ric who?" when Ric Flair first joined the WWF once upon a time? And yes, I am comparing myself to The Naitcha Boy, if only because I suspect that might rub some people the wrong way.

Oh hey, here's an interesting Wiki article that might help you out! Go ahead and read it, I'll wait.

Done yet? No? Jeeze, you're a slow reader.

How about now? Fuck, man!

Okay, I don't care anymore. You've read it, don't lie, and now you know all there is to know about the three best letters you'll read all day: J, B and C!

Which is not to say I'm going to rest on my past accolades here. I just want every one of you readers to know that The Johnny ain't some random bitch boy. He's a very specific bitch boy! He's the guy who goes into that ring and beats people up and down, much like he's already done to that big bohunk Hunter McKnight. He's the guy who's going to canonize St. Tuck two Unstoppables from now. And he's also the guy who's going to do it all again three more times after that.

He's going to be your first MSW Champion.

He's Johnny B., and he's me!

Now why not blog about that, haters? It's as easy as JBC!