Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2014 18:39:30 GMT -6
Bill Kurtis’ voice over is heard booming over the upcoming promo, the cameras pan throughout the foothills of Tennessee, shot to Chad Vargas highlights with all of his wins and accomplishments in promotions throughout the world. More recent highlights of him squashing Daryl Bingham last week in the dark match heard throughout the world, ultimately stopping in the four car garage at Vargasland estates in outer Memphis, Tennesee.
Bill Kurtis voiceover: “It’s raining in Tennessee, not raining men though, unfortunately for that wannabe cowboy from Texas Yugo Phalious. Chad Vargas finally got his name etched into MSW television, not what he expected though as he teams up with Leo Banks to take on MSW loud mouth and billy bad ass that never was Johnny B. and Asian cowboy Yugo Phalious. Vargas is training hard to get another win under his belt…”
Vargas is seen sitting in a lawn chair in his garage cuffing a Budweiser long neck. ‘Training hard’ for his upcoming match.
Vargas: Training to beat the likes of these cocks is exactly what I’m doing. Chilling, taking it easy, and catching a buzz on. I could beat Johnny Boner and Yugo with one hand tied behind my back and the other on my go nads all the while being blindfolded. I’m not sure exactly what the Stevenson boys we’re thinking booking a partner that is subpar at best to go to work with a legend of wrestling such as myself, but partner, shitty partner, or no partner – I’ll go to work and get the fuckin’ job done even if I have to do all the work my fuckin’ self.
Vargas takes a haul off his beer and runs a hand through his hair, nodding over to the right, as four of the hottest baddest muscle cars sit next to one an other. A ’71 Dodge Charger, a ’66 Ford Mustang, a ’69 Dodge Challenger R/T and a bright orange ‘70 Super bee all sit there gleaming.
Vargas: You see that fellas? That is what success can buy. While Johnny B. scores his wardrobe from the $2.99 rack at the local Goodwill and Yugo rolls into the arena with that ungodly hideous fuckin’ belt buckle he won at the local carnival for popping balloons. I’m rolling into town in fuckin’ style. Hell even my partner whom I don’t know shit about has more style and charisma then both of you and your ugly mama’s put together.
Bonecrusher, I’m not entirely sure what Oliver Stone after school special you stole your ideas from, but you’re less then impressive. You look like a meth head tweaker that lives on the corner of the streets in a newspaper/cardboard twined shack. How you’ve won three matches and are actually considered a successful pro wrestler is beyond me. Unfortunately for me, I happened on your rant the other night and couldn’t quite comprehend the utter horseshit you we’re spewing from that smelly trailer trash mouth of yours, but I’ll do my best to make heads or tails out of it. Try as you will to be funny, with your piss and fart jokes that barely make an elementary school 3rd grader chuckle. Give me your best pot shots at my southern roots, I couldn’t give a fuck less of an opinion coming from the likes of you. Because lets be honest. I know I’m better than you and further up the ‘food chain’ then you will ever be, bitch. You are a complete shitstain on the MSW and society as a whole. I’ve run across your types before and you’re all the same. As a child, your daddy left you because he discovered soon after you we’re born what a complete waste of sperm you were. You stayed up all night long jerking your one inch while your peers we’re out getting laid. Hell, you probably didn’t lose your virginity until you we’re in your mid 20s, and had to pay a street hooker to even give you a second glance. Shit she probably wouldn’t even fuck you. But hey that’s alright you still got Mama Bonecrusher, standing behind you no matter how big of a fuck up you are. On evenings you aren’t out selling yourself for a hit of meth you’re still staying in the backroom of her trailer park home in between your matches. My partner probably does have Trump posters in his room, but it’s a helluva lot better than the BBW’s wearing granny pantie posters that you’ve got hanging in your room. Make sure you wipe Yugo’s “children” out of your disgusting ass handle bar ‘stache before you enter the ring with two fellas that plan on taking the fuckin’ life out of you. Johnny B., You end your pile of shit with ‘fuck off, I’ve got work to do’ you don’t even know what work is. ‘Working’ to you is collecting your $60 a match at the MSW pay window and collecting Obamacare. Have your Obamacare card handy next week, ‘cause big Leo and I are gonna crush YOUR fuckin’ bones. Drink your milk, take your flinestone vitamins, take a quick hit or two of meth and get yourself a good night sleep. ‘Cause your push ends NOW. Hate me all you want too, people that hate others are normally jealous. Bitch.
Vargas drains the rest of his Bud as he stands up and walks into the side bathroom of his garage, a simple garage bathroom, looking better than most people have in their homes. He stands at the toilet and takes a piss.
Vargas: Ahhh
Vargas leans his head back relieving himself before looking into his toilet alarmed at what is staring back at him.
Vargas: Damnt it seems someone forgot to flush Yugo Phalious.
Vargas looks down and sees a good size log of shit in the toilet. He chuckles to himself and flushes the toilet. He retreats back to his lawn chair and cracks another beer, taking a drag off from it he throws his feet up.
Vargas: Hey Yugo! Yugo? Yugggooo!?! I want a PuPu for two! Ain’t got much to say about this fuckin’ waste except for the fact that I wish it was a singles match because we all know if it was one on one, Yugo wouldn’t beat me again. Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice as the old cliché goes. This walking, talking sideshow freak actually thinks he can be taken seriously. Shit boy you ain’t no fuckin’ Cowboy so quit with the bullshit. Quit trying to be something you aren’t. Eminem made a career at being something he’s not, but you just look stupid. Quite possibly the biggest blemish on my singles career was taking a loss to you. I don’t know what happened, you probably blew the referee to count faster I don’t know nor do I fucking care because you are so irrelevant it doesn’t even matter. I told the Stevenson boys to book us in a rematch and while they didn’t give me the match I fully wanted, I’ll take the opportunity to put your nose down your throat. Slayer of Hymens my ass! You’ve got your damn lips so far around Bonecrusher’s member it’s downright self-degrading. Kiss asses and brown nosers have no respect from me, or anybody else. Bonecrusher is right where he should be, completely out of the World championship strap talks. If he was a flagship of any promotion I’d walk out, plain and simple. I’m not quite sure where you got the notion that I’m a cry baby, but we’ll see who the cry baby is next week when your nursing you and your partner back to health. Say what you want Yugo, you talentless hack. Come to fuckin’ Tennessee with your cowboy hat and your dumbass belt buckle and you’ll end up in a swamp somewhere nowhere to be fuckin’ found. After this match is settled, win lose or draw I don’t give a damn – I challenge you to a one on one Tennessee Street Fight. I promise you, if not next week, I’ll choke you out with that belt of yours and knuckle fuck that ugly face of yours! You say you’ve never been to Singapore or Japan or wherever or ever sold fish, but I’m telling you now, you dumb cock – that once I’m through with you, you will have nothing else left to do then go sell fish in Chinatown – do you fuckin’ get it?!
Vargas out of sheer rage smashes the beer bottle over his head, glass pieces shatter everywhere as a stream of blood runs down his forehead.
Vargas: Leo, if you're listenin' - don’t fuckin’ let me down boy, we’ve got an easy match ahead of us lining up to go to war with two never will be’s. Two asshats stuck in a career of irrelevancy. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but what we do know is these guys are less than challenging and shit, after walloping these bitches we should be awarded MSW Tag team champions!!! The Southern Hammer and Mr. Cashbags himself take on a Meth head and a fish head at Best of the Best to prove, Bonecrusher and Phalious are worst of the worst!
Vargas cracks another beer and guns it down in a matter of seconds.
Vargas: KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!
Vargas flips off the camera and walks over to his Superbee, 'Dukes of Hazzards' his way into the driver's seat, fires up the engine and peels out of the garage as the scene fades back into Bill Kurtis’ voice over.
Bill Kurtis voiceover: “There you have it ladies and gentlemen, harsh words from the most unpredictable and hateful wrestler in the United States today, Chad Vargas. He has it all, but what he doesn’t have is the ability to filter his thoughts. Weather he shows up sober or drunk, Chad Vargas will bring fists of fury and deliver one heck of a down home country fried southern style butt whoopin’. To show the MSW and to the world, he’s for real.”
Bill Kurtis voiceover: “It’s raining in Tennessee, not raining men though, unfortunately for that wannabe cowboy from Texas Yugo Phalious. Chad Vargas finally got his name etched into MSW television, not what he expected though as he teams up with Leo Banks to take on MSW loud mouth and billy bad ass that never was Johnny B. and Asian cowboy Yugo Phalious. Vargas is training hard to get another win under his belt…”
Vargas is seen sitting in a lawn chair in his garage cuffing a Budweiser long neck. ‘Training hard’ for his upcoming match.
Vargas: Training to beat the likes of these cocks is exactly what I’m doing. Chilling, taking it easy, and catching a buzz on. I could beat Johnny Boner and Yugo with one hand tied behind my back and the other on my go nads all the while being blindfolded. I’m not sure exactly what the Stevenson boys we’re thinking booking a partner that is subpar at best to go to work with a legend of wrestling such as myself, but partner, shitty partner, or no partner – I’ll go to work and get the fuckin’ job done even if I have to do all the work my fuckin’ self.
Vargas takes a haul off his beer and runs a hand through his hair, nodding over to the right, as four of the hottest baddest muscle cars sit next to one an other. A ’71 Dodge Charger, a ’66 Ford Mustang, a ’69 Dodge Challenger R/T and a bright orange ‘70 Super bee all sit there gleaming.
Vargas: You see that fellas? That is what success can buy. While Johnny B. scores his wardrobe from the $2.99 rack at the local Goodwill and Yugo rolls into the arena with that ungodly hideous fuckin’ belt buckle he won at the local carnival for popping balloons. I’m rolling into town in fuckin’ style. Hell even my partner whom I don’t know shit about has more style and charisma then both of you and your ugly mama’s put together.
Bonecrusher, I’m not entirely sure what Oliver Stone after school special you stole your ideas from, but you’re less then impressive. You look like a meth head tweaker that lives on the corner of the streets in a newspaper/cardboard twined shack. How you’ve won three matches and are actually considered a successful pro wrestler is beyond me. Unfortunately for me, I happened on your rant the other night and couldn’t quite comprehend the utter horseshit you we’re spewing from that smelly trailer trash mouth of yours, but I’ll do my best to make heads or tails out of it. Try as you will to be funny, with your piss and fart jokes that barely make an elementary school 3rd grader chuckle. Give me your best pot shots at my southern roots, I couldn’t give a fuck less of an opinion coming from the likes of you. Because lets be honest. I know I’m better than you and further up the ‘food chain’ then you will ever be, bitch. You are a complete shitstain on the MSW and society as a whole. I’ve run across your types before and you’re all the same. As a child, your daddy left you because he discovered soon after you we’re born what a complete waste of sperm you were. You stayed up all night long jerking your one inch while your peers we’re out getting laid. Hell, you probably didn’t lose your virginity until you we’re in your mid 20s, and had to pay a street hooker to even give you a second glance. Shit she probably wouldn’t even fuck you. But hey that’s alright you still got Mama Bonecrusher, standing behind you no matter how big of a fuck up you are. On evenings you aren’t out selling yourself for a hit of meth you’re still staying in the backroom of her trailer park home in between your matches. My partner probably does have Trump posters in his room, but it’s a helluva lot better than the BBW’s wearing granny pantie posters that you’ve got hanging in your room. Make sure you wipe Yugo’s “children” out of your disgusting ass handle bar ‘stache before you enter the ring with two fellas that plan on taking the fuckin’ life out of you. Johnny B., You end your pile of shit with ‘fuck off, I’ve got work to do’ you don’t even know what work is. ‘Working’ to you is collecting your $60 a match at the MSW pay window and collecting Obamacare. Have your Obamacare card handy next week, ‘cause big Leo and I are gonna crush YOUR fuckin’ bones. Drink your milk, take your flinestone vitamins, take a quick hit or two of meth and get yourself a good night sleep. ‘Cause your push ends NOW. Hate me all you want too, people that hate others are normally jealous. Bitch.
Vargas drains the rest of his Bud as he stands up and walks into the side bathroom of his garage, a simple garage bathroom, looking better than most people have in their homes. He stands at the toilet and takes a piss.
Vargas: Ahhh
Vargas leans his head back relieving himself before looking into his toilet alarmed at what is staring back at him.
Vargas: Damnt it seems someone forgot to flush Yugo Phalious.
Vargas looks down and sees a good size log of shit in the toilet. He chuckles to himself and flushes the toilet. He retreats back to his lawn chair and cracks another beer, taking a drag off from it he throws his feet up.
Vargas: Hey Yugo! Yugo? Yugggooo!?! I want a PuPu for two! Ain’t got much to say about this fuckin’ waste except for the fact that I wish it was a singles match because we all know if it was one on one, Yugo wouldn’t beat me again. Lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice as the old cliché goes. This walking, talking sideshow freak actually thinks he can be taken seriously. Shit boy you ain’t no fuckin’ Cowboy so quit with the bullshit. Quit trying to be something you aren’t. Eminem made a career at being something he’s not, but you just look stupid. Quite possibly the biggest blemish on my singles career was taking a loss to you. I don’t know what happened, you probably blew the referee to count faster I don’t know nor do I fucking care because you are so irrelevant it doesn’t even matter. I told the Stevenson boys to book us in a rematch and while they didn’t give me the match I fully wanted, I’ll take the opportunity to put your nose down your throat. Slayer of Hymens my ass! You’ve got your damn lips so far around Bonecrusher’s member it’s downright self-degrading. Kiss asses and brown nosers have no respect from me, or anybody else. Bonecrusher is right where he should be, completely out of the World championship strap talks. If he was a flagship of any promotion I’d walk out, plain and simple. I’m not quite sure where you got the notion that I’m a cry baby, but we’ll see who the cry baby is next week when your nursing you and your partner back to health. Say what you want Yugo, you talentless hack. Come to fuckin’ Tennessee with your cowboy hat and your dumbass belt buckle and you’ll end up in a swamp somewhere nowhere to be fuckin’ found. After this match is settled, win lose or draw I don’t give a damn – I challenge you to a one on one Tennessee Street Fight. I promise you, if not next week, I’ll choke you out with that belt of yours and knuckle fuck that ugly face of yours! You say you’ve never been to Singapore or Japan or wherever or ever sold fish, but I’m telling you now, you dumb cock – that once I’m through with you, you will have nothing else left to do then go sell fish in Chinatown – do you fuckin’ get it?!
Vargas out of sheer rage smashes the beer bottle over his head, glass pieces shatter everywhere as a stream of blood runs down his forehead.
Vargas: Leo, if you're listenin' - don’t fuckin’ let me down boy, we’ve got an easy match ahead of us lining up to go to war with two never will be’s. Two asshats stuck in a career of irrelevancy. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but what we do know is these guys are less than challenging and shit, after walloping these bitches we should be awarded MSW Tag team champions!!! The Southern Hammer and Mr. Cashbags himself take on a Meth head and a fish head at Best of the Best to prove, Bonecrusher and Phalious are worst of the worst!
Vargas cracks another beer and guns it down in a matter of seconds.
Vargas: KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!
Vargas flips off the camera and walks over to his Superbee, 'Dukes of Hazzards' his way into the driver's seat, fires up the engine and peels out of the garage as the scene fades back into Bill Kurtis’ voice over.
Bill Kurtis voiceover: “There you have it ladies and gentlemen, harsh words from the most unpredictable and hateful wrestler in the United States today, Chad Vargas. He has it all, but what he doesn’t have is the ability to filter his thoughts. Weather he shows up sober or drunk, Chad Vargas will bring fists of fury and deliver one heck of a down home country fried southern style butt whoopin’. To show the MSW and to the world, he’s for real.”