Post by Deleted on May 9, 2014 21:31:40 GMT -6
SINGLES MATCH
James Carson Vs Johnny B. w/ Yugo Phailous
Bonecrusher made it to the quarter finals before being eliminated by Daniel Smart but with new estranged tag team partner Yugo Phailous, they picked up a big tag team win over Leo Banks and Chad Vargas. Johnny looks to continue his momentum as he takes on breakout star, James Carson.
Making up for his loss at Unstoppable VI with a win at Best of the Best, MSW's first-ever Super Show, not a Pay-Per-View, fools! ...Anyway, he f***in' won and due to his performance that night, The Johnny's been booted out of Curtain-Jerker status and promoted to Pre-Main Event status, soooooooooooooooon! Makin' dem papers! Makin' it rain! Scooping up said papers, because JBC ain't made of money, you know! Earn your own papers, trick!
The Johnimant Species is a strange one. The pheromones it emits attract the strangest characters: Asian cowboys, Confederate Posterboys, Rich Bitches, and now, the Male Sybil.
Don't get the reference?
Try reading a book every so often, f***o!
So today, our story takes us to a mental hospital - no! What's your problem? Have you no tact? No common decency? Are you the type of sociopath that frequents 4Chan or some shit? Well, go back there and stop reading this!
No, our story indeed opens up in a more sensible locale: a farm. Just a regular farm, nothing wacky or out of the ordinary about it.
Except that it's a funny farm!
Just kidding!
No, it's a real farm for reals, trust me.
Our hero J to the B to the C finally appears on-screen, carefully making his way through some relatively muddier areas. His method of movement, his graceful gait, everything about how he strode amongst the muck and onto grassier pastures as it were was nothing short of poetry in motion.
Even The Johnny himself looks impressed at his display of manual dexterity.
And then his cocky ass steps onto something most assuredly not mud-like.
Johnny B.: "F***!"
He examines the sole of his foot and gives a look of disgust. He tries in vain to wipe the horribleness off before giving up and shaking his head, continuing his walk around the barn.
Johnny B.: "Now... I bet you're all wondering why such a classy guy such as Yours Truly is traipsing around someone's farm. Well, wonder no further, you nosy f***s, I'm at my business associate's homestead... or at least, Yugo said this was his family's farm... I should look that up some time."
Johnny glances over at the barn and suddenly a look comes across his face as if someone just talked shit about his mamma. So as if he was looking right at Chad Vargas (who indeed did talk shit about his mamma), he charges the building and delivers the most ineffectual clothesline in the history of the move. He bounces off the structure and lets out a loud yelp, then favours his arm.
Johnny B.: "Motherf***er came outta nowhere!"
After giving the big bad barn a series of lengthy dirty looks, he points at it decidedly.
Johnny B.: "You see? You see that? Yeah, I sure as f*** hope you saw that,... James Carson!"
He gives the camera a patronizing albeit knowing look.
Johnny B.: "Yeah. Yeah. You didn't think I knew about you, did ya, leopard? Oh, but I know all about leopards, son! All sorts of things! Now, maybe I ought to play along, so I should say that I'm gonna cover my bases and give your candy a straight warning: Mr. Phailous ain't gonna stick his nose in where it don't belong,... so long as you-know-who doesn't rear his ugly-ass head, dig? Hmm? Do you? Do you dig it? Are you currently digging? Where are you digging to? China? Yeah, maybe that'd be for the best, and I'll tell you why:"
But before he can finish what he was going to say, suddenly, a boisterous series of yippings can be heard getting louder and louder, until none other than Yugo Phailous himself bursts onto the scene on horseback, twirling a lasso over his head and chasing after a young steer. The Johnny looks on as off-camera there can be heard a struggle, mooing, more of a struggle, finally followed by gunshots. Johnny jumps at the blasts and looks mortified.
Then, Yugo comes back into view, dragging the still-living and now tied-up steer with him. Johnny looks bewildered.
Johnny B.: "The f*** was that about?!"
Yugo Phailous: "What? I like to unload a few victory rounds after a hard-fought wranglin'."
Johnny B.: "Jesus, you Americans and your guns. Why didn't you do that after our tag match?"
Yugo just shrugs and keeps heading off. Johnny looks on, shaking his head.
Johnny B.: "So... what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Carson, maybe you should convince your little friend to come out and play, because you ain't goin' into the ring against some punk-ass bitch, no, you're squaring off against The Pre-Millennium Wrestler, and when I'm through with you, it'll indeed be back in time to 1999 again, but it'll be too late for you to beat my rookie-year self."
Johnny takes a few moments to think whether what he said was cool or not. After said moments passed, he nods in approval.
Johnny B.: "Yup... too f***in' late... bros."
And with that, The Johnny gives another of his knowing looks complete with shit-eating grin, before continuing on his trek.
Johnny B.: "Hey! You gonna be cookin' up that motherf***er? I'm down for some steaks!"
The Johnimant Species is a strange one. The pheromones it emits attract the strangest characters: Asian cowboys, Confederate Posterboys, Rich Bitches, and now, the Male Sybil.
Don't get the reference?
Try reading a book every so often, f***o!
So today, our story takes us to a mental hospital - no! What's your problem? Have you no tact? No common decency? Are you the type of sociopath that frequents 4Chan or some shit? Well, go back there and stop reading this!
No, our story indeed opens up in a more sensible locale: a farm. Just a regular farm, nothing wacky or out of the ordinary about it.
Except that it's a funny farm!
Just kidding!
No, it's a real farm for reals, trust me.
Our hero J to the B to the C finally appears on-screen, carefully making his way through some relatively muddier areas. His method of movement, his graceful gait, everything about how he strode amongst the muck and onto grassier pastures as it were was nothing short of poetry in motion.
Even The Johnny himself looks impressed at his display of manual dexterity.
And then his cocky ass steps onto something most assuredly not mud-like.
Johnny B.: "F***!"
He examines the sole of his foot and gives a look of disgust. He tries in vain to wipe the horribleness off before giving up and shaking his head, continuing his walk around the barn.
Johnny B.: "Now... I bet you're all wondering why such a classy guy such as Yours Truly is traipsing around someone's farm. Well, wonder no further, you nosy f***s, I'm at my business associate's homestead... or at least, Yugo said this was his family's farm... I should look that up some time."
Johnny glances over at the barn and suddenly a look comes across his face as if someone just talked shit about his mamma. So as if he was looking right at Chad Vargas (who indeed did talk shit about his mamma), he charges the building and delivers the most ineffectual clothesline in the history of the move. He bounces off the structure and lets out a loud yelp, then favours his arm.
Johnny B.: "Motherf***er came outta nowhere!"
After giving the big bad barn a series of lengthy dirty looks, he points at it decidedly.
Johnny B.: "You see? You see that? Yeah, I sure as f*** hope you saw that,... James Carson!"
He gives the camera a patronizing albeit knowing look.
Johnny B.: "Yeah. Yeah. You didn't think I knew about you, did ya, leopard? Oh, but I know all about leopards, son! All sorts of things! Now, maybe I ought to play along, so I should say that I'm gonna cover my bases and give your candy a straight warning: Mr. Phailous ain't gonna stick his nose in where it don't belong,... so long as you-know-who doesn't rear his ugly-ass head, dig? Hmm? Do you? Do you dig it? Are you currently digging? Where are you digging to? China? Yeah, maybe that'd be for the best, and I'll tell you why:"
But before he can finish what he was going to say, suddenly, a boisterous series of yippings can be heard getting louder and louder, until none other than Yugo Phailous himself bursts onto the scene on horseback, twirling a lasso over his head and chasing after a young steer. The Johnny looks on as off-camera there can be heard a struggle, mooing, more of a struggle, finally followed by gunshots. Johnny jumps at the blasts and looks mortified.
Then, Yugo comes back into view, dragging the still-living and now tied-up steer with him. Johnny looks bewildered.
Johnny B.: "The f*** was that about?!"
Yugo Phailous: "What? I like to unload a few victory rounds after a hard-fought wranglin'."
Johnny B.: "Jesus, you Americans and your guns. Why didn't you do that after our tag match?"
Yugo just shrugs and keeps heading off. Johnny looks on, shaking his head.
Johnny B.: "So... what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Carson, maybe you should convince your little friend to come out and play, because you ain't goin' into the ring against some punk-ass bitch, no, you're squaring off against The Pre-Millennium Wrestler, and when I'm through with you, it'll indeed be back in time to 1999 again, but it'll be too late for you to beat my rookie-year self."
Johnny takes a few moments to think whether what he said was cool or not. After said moments passed, he nods in approval.
Johnny B.: "Yup... too f***in' late... bros."
And with that, The Johnny gives another of his knowing looks complete with shit-eating grin, before continuing on his trek.
Johnny B.: "Hey! You gonna be cookin' up that motherf***er? I'm down for some steaks!"
THE END.