Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2014 14:16:19 GMT -6
It's pitch black outside on the trail and standing on top of a hill over looking a valley where his cattle that he is driving is Yugo Phailous. He is slowly finishing up hand rolling a cigarette as his thought turn his match this match week against The Apocalypse......
"This one time, I was on this trail leading a whole herd of soon to be ground up meat piles to Kansas up out of New Mexico. Somewhere along the way the weather turned, all nasty and shit. A storm blew in out of no where and we got hit with a late spring snow storm."
Yugo licks the edge of his rolling paper and seals up his cigarette.
"Blizzard really. So I had to save the future of Taco Bell with it's cheap ground up beef and find a place for my herd to ride out the storm without getting lost in it. I came up over a ridge. It was snowing like a bastard. Worst snow fall in 15 years the old timers were saying. That's when I found this old farm and the old timer agreed to let me use his barn. So you know, after a bit I got the walking breathing USDA grade A meat slabs into the barn and I found myself a place in the corner to call my bed for the night when the farmer's daughter came by. Now, usually when you say farmer's daughter what is the picture in your head you get?
Yugo lights his cigarette.
"Tall, lean blonde who just turned 18 with curls that cascade down off her shoulders and legs, long slender tanned legs that go on and on forever with the shortest pair of shorts you have ever seen. Shorts so short you'd swear they were her knickers and that they were painted on. She'd be wearing a shirt that is so tight around her amble breasts that if she sneezed that shirt was just going to give out and her nice full lush breasts were going to your face. It's the kind of girl that you know you are going to have fun with."
Yugo takes a long drag off of his cigarette.
"And that she was no doubt going to get you in trouble but lordly it was SO going to be worth it."
Yugo exhales and looks towards his left into the camera.
"If you know what I mean."
Yugo takes a another drag.
"But on this night, in that barn. This farmer's daughter was a bit of a odd bird. She was different and I didn't know what it meant at the time as I was only 16. But this princess of the night came into the barn. All dressed in black, long black hair, lipstick black. Her nails, black. And her skin....her skin was pale white like she has never seen the sunlight. But in a way she was stunning. We talked that night, who what and where. Then as I started to see where this could lead...."
Yugo smirks and takes another drag and leans towards the camera
"Which I was hoping was under her skirt if you know what I mean."
Yugo exhales.
"She stood up, threw off her coat, tore her shirt off and she had some of the most beautiful pale skinned pinked nippled tits you could have ever seen, took this little switchblade and sliced her wrist with it! I'm telling you it was the most bizarre shit I have ever seen and I have known a crazy chick or two in my life time but she took the cake. She then jumped on me, pinned me down on the floor of that barn and was yelling at me, I mean yelling at me to drink her blood. Shoving her bloody wrist in my face. So you know, I did the only thing I could have done. I drank her blood while looking at her awesome tits."
Yugo finishes off his cigarette.
"But she she started to speak in tongues. Some gibberish that I had no idea what she was talking about. I can't remember any of what she was talking about as he undid my pants and rode me like a wild stallion rubbing her blood over her boobies. Her eyes even rolled in the back of her head. Granted that wasn't the first time I did that to a chick but this was different. It was like she was talking to someone or something."
Yugo looks up at the sky and looks around.
"Some dark force or something. I'll tell you this. I don't get freaked out by much. I'm one tough son of a bitch but that night, that farmer's daughter. She freaked me out. I'll be honest, when I was done I didn't care if she was done or not, I unloaded everything in my chamber."
Yugo again looks at the camera with a smirk on his face.
"If you know what I mean."
Yugo nods and unlatches his water canteen from his belt.
"And I got the hell out of there. I didn't care about the cattle either. If Dave Thomas wanted them that badly he could go get them, I just wanted to get the hell away from Satan's little girl. Like I said, I was just 16. A young little Yugo Phailous. I've grown since then. I've seen things in life no one else should ever have to see since that day. I don't get freaked out by the dark arts. I don't get skittish around those Goth chicks. I understand them now. I know what they want."
Yugo looks at the camera again.
"Whip me, beat me tell me that you love me.....if you know what I mean."
Yugo takes a drink from his canteen.
"Most of the time they act that way.....they dressed that way. They talk the way they talk for attention. They are nothing but attention seekers. A bunch of low self esteem soul sucking bitches looking to get some pity. All they want is a pat on the top of the head, for you to stoke their heads and go "Oh you! It's a pity that you are troubled." Well Yugo Phailous! He has something for them to stroke and it has a head on it too!"
Yugo now turns and faces the camera.
"Dante and Virgil. The Apocalypse. That's what they are. Two little bitches crying for attention! What's the matter boys? Mama didn't love you enough when you were kids? Did you get picked on school? One to many wedgies in the bathroom? It's time for someone to show you two little cunts some tough love. And that someone is me! Yugo Phailous! Cunt puncher!"
Yugo snaps the top on his canteen and tosses it away.
"You say last week you went through the most established team in this tournament? I'm calling bullshit on that! The Blackwells? The top team in the tournament? You two Lilly Munster wannabe bitches haven't even faced a real team in this tournament till...now. JBC and Yugo is the definition of Tag Team wrestling in the MSW! We have not lost a match and you know what, we won't for a real long time either. Hell! Not only did we get a bye last week with Porn star Ron and St. Tuck, but we're getting a bye this week as well. Our names are already etched on those tag titles. Don't believe it, stop on by the MSW offices and take a look at them and you will clearly see our names wielded on them. Wielded because they aren't coming of those titles for a real long time.
You two spew crap about being the most dominant team in the MSW. That is a lie.
You two want everyone to think you two are two unstoppable bad asses. That is a lie.
You say you will destroy us and that too, is a lie.
Truth is boys you two will be forced to step aside. I don't care how long you two have been together, it's time for a divorce because this week you two will be exposed as a bunch of blow hard cry babies who talk a big game....."
Yugo slowly shakes his head.
"But you two can't back none of it. You are over matched this week.
You're outclassed this week.
The true bringers of death and destruction is standing right...here. You're the ones who will be bitch slapped and destroyed for I am Yugo Phailous...."
Yugo touches the brim of his hat.
"And death is following me."
