F'n Posers

It's funny, really.

I mean, after everything... my incredible upset victory over Scott Free in eWo last year, followed by my bell-to-bell performance in that company's Body Count Rumble a month later, the incredible matches I've wrestled since for PURE Seattle in Washington State and for Force One in Tennessee... despite all of the incredible highs in my relatively short career, it turns out that the moment I'm most known for is being the first professional wrestler to get their hands on Liz Smalls, and for damn near taking her head off with the short-arm lariat I like to call The I.D.C., or the I Don't Care.

Now, I guess that, considering how hated Liz Smalls has become, being known as the first to take her head off and put her on her ass isn't such a bad thing, and I wouldn't be complaining, except that it's led to where I find myself now. No, I don't mean Missouri, that was a choice I made myself. Nor do I mean signed to a company where I'm stuck in an exclusively Women's division, something I said I would never do as it's an antiquated position for any promotion in our sport to take in 2014. No, I'm referring to the fact that I, Ash Scion, one of the original founding members of The Antiplastics, now find myself booked against another part-timer, another non-wrestler.

I guess it's my own fault. My whole career has been a crusade against those who don't truly respect this sport. I've made a habit out of seeking out the models, actresses, reality-TV stars and other fame-seeking glory hounds who think that what I do is easy, and who think that professional wrestling is an easy way to chalk up some cheap publicity, opening doors for whatever it is that they actually want to do. It's fucking insulting. It's insulting that these posers think that they can step into my world, the world I trained for years, under some of the absolute best in the business, to become a part of. It's insulting that they think they can phone in a few 'matches', if you can even call what they do matches, against other like-minded bimbos and everyone will escape looking good in the end. No marked-up faces, no broken nails.

I'm the last thing any of these bitches ever wants to see across the ring from them.

And here we are, right back at it again, as MSW has decided to book me, The New American Nightmare and straight-up poser killer, Ash Scion, against some self-described wanna-be actress named Xena Nex for my first match here. I've never heard of her, a fact made even more surprising as she hails from the very city I spent all those years training in, Toronto, Ontario.

Hi Xena, nice to meet you. I hear you're an actress. That's cool. Me? Oh, I'm an athlete. I'm a warrior. I'm a pro wrestler... y'know, that thing that you're pretending to be? Listen, I hope you've gotten all of your headshots up to date, and I hope you've cleared your audition schedule for at least a couple weeks after our match, because I promise you sugah, you will NOT be able to put you best face forwards after I'm done with you. You're very existance in this sport, the very fact that part-timers like you are given contracts and allowed to take up space on the cards, well, it's an insult to me and to every true pro wrestler who's ever laced up a pair.

And when I'm feeling insulted, Xena? That's when I get particularly mean. Don't believe me? Go ask Liz Samlls.

See you soon, Xena.