How did I do?

This will be one of those times where the assholeness of Nikki Venom (or his assholeness of the past) comes out in OOC. See, I have this condition where I am always right about everything. And while some people say that an opinion can't be wrong I simply tell them that is their opinion... and that it is okay their opinion is wrong. So worship what you will read as if it were the Book of Revelations (see what I did there?).

Now that I got that out of the way I will give you my opinion on your promo. It was really good and had me believing in the character until this part:

"In the background, you see Steele leave into the darkness then, after a few minutes, he walks back into the light; dragging a man in with him. The man is kicking and screaming and looks to be the same size and shape of Steve Thunder."

It is only recently that I've stopped writing like this with Nikki. My other characters were never badass enough to assault people. My issue with something like this is that it ruins my suspension of disbelief. I honestly try to look at e-fedding and my promos as if I were on the indies cutting these promos. That is why when in my promo I never gave a visual example of the evils in our society. I said a man was shot down the hall, and there is no blood to be found. There are no civilians around in the promo, and the motel looks like shit. What was created was an illusion; I want the fans to come up with their own theories on what I witnessed based on my vague description of it.

I also want to state that when I read any in-character promo I try to read it from the perspective of a fan, not a fellow e-fedder. I try to become the fans that everyone panders to or rejects. I'm weird like that.

Back to you though, because that's what this post is about. When you pulled out a fake Steve Thunder it seemed a bit gimmicky to me, and a bit like a cheap heat getter (yes I realize that doesn't really make sense). And when I look at Steele attacking this poor shmuck I don't see symbolism for how badly Thunder will be beat, but ignorance on the part of Cryptic and Steele.

"Thunder, just like that it will be over. All it takes is one little grab of this mans hand and your time is up!"

Great line; it would have been made a bit better if Cryptic would have snapped and let the sound resonate around the room a bit. I've never really been a fan of wrestling actually being in a promo for a show. This has been ruined for me because I've seen soooooooooooooooo many people wrestle and give their entire promo during the warm up match. Like they are in mid suplex and speaking. I'm sorry. No, that's whack. (obscure 90's reference). It again goes back to realism. The audio quality would be shit when you think about how you're grunting and groaning from wrestling, plus you're going to want space so the camera can get the full shot which means you won't sound very clear. Steele is a non-audible character, so that doesn't apply to you. It was an explanation as to why I dislike it.

Overall, I liked the promo. You're a very good writer. I hope this doesn't discourage you. Even more, and I cannot stress this enough, I am not trying to bury your promo in anyway. I really like how creepy Cryptic is, and how Steele has already surpassed most of the "monster" gimmicks I've been matched against. Steele, again from a fans perspective, is very intimidating. What makes it better is that Cryptic hasn't said anything over the top that kills my suspension of disbelief. I'd like to hear more about what happened to Steele's family, because right now I see it as a weakness for you. I can see someone trying to exploit it and telling you Steele isn't a monster because he has a soft side, and so I think the loss of his family needs to be something massive. Something no one can recover from mentally. I'd like to see Steele's emotional reaction to it be that he emotionally shuts down to a point where he is too numb to care. Where the mask makes him feel like he has power. That's down the road though. That's something you can pursue when you are out of ideas.

I tried closing this up, but then I went on a tangent. So I might as well bring this up too; it works somewhat into what I said about the fake Steve Thunder. MSW is an indy. It isn't a secret that MSW is an indy. So what I would have liked to see is the guy that Steele beats up be just a random indy guy. And instead of a suplex drag him in and hit him with the finish right away. Drag, pick up, finisher. Done. I really liked the setting for this, and I can see a way in which you could actually make this happen in real life. There is a show in a ware house. It's done, you ask to do a promo before everyone clears out. The lights go out where you are, you hang the light Steele hits, and use an indy wrestler booked on the card as the extra. Again, realism. So I really liked that aspect of it.

In case you were wondering, the last portion of the paragraph above is what I was talking about before. The thing about letting the fans come up with their own theories about how it was worked out.

In conclusion, finally, it was really good. I look forward to reading more from you, and seeing your writing and character grow. And always remember: I am always right. ;D

Overall, I enjoyed your promo and found it to be pretty plausible. I like how you're wanting to build a little bit of menace out of the character, so I say keep doing what you're doing.

5/5 beers

You are definitely improving at a very fast rate and I'm looking forward more and more to your work. I'm enjoying the place you're taking the character with your most recent promo and your call-out to Smart and bringing up his fall to Manning was well played. Also you called my vicious and I like when people say nice things about me. Keep it going man, you're getting there faster than you think.