Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2014 14:52:08 GMT -6
The sound of keys jiggling is heard and then after a second of that, the sound almost every full blooded American man loves to hear. The sound of a beer cap being popped off a beer bottle followed by the sound of the top hitting the ground. A sound that could bring a man to tears.
The scene opens up with Yugo Phailous (pronounced Fail-ous) standing in front of the yellow and black MSW banner drinking a tall boy of Bud. He takes a nice long swig of beer and downs the whole bottle in one shot. When he's finished he holds the empty bottle in front of him and goes "ahhhh" after enjoying what he just drank.
"Oh yeah. That hit the spot on this here cold spring day in Missouri. Oh yeah man.....that is what I consider a favorable blast right to the old taste buds man. Hell to the yes! Whoo. Boy. That was so damn good, I think I'll have another. Yes sir. Yup."
Yugo tosses the bottle to his right out of the frame and from off camera another is tossed to him. As he reaches in his pocket to fish out his keys again and retrieves his bottle opener Yugo smiles.
"Now you might be wondering just who I am and folks. I will tell you here in a second but first."
He pops the top of his second bottle. Yugo closes his eyes and soaks in the sound of the hiss from cracking open the bottle of Bud.
"A little ear candy. I love that sound."
Yugo leans forward and cups his hand to the one side of his mouth.
"That and when your wife is screaming my name! If you know what I mean?"
Yugo takes a sip of his beer.
"Yes sir. My name is Yugo Phailous! The meanest, roughest, strongest, wildest cowboy you have ever laid your eyes on! I come from a little rough and tumble Cowtown just down by the Rio Grande where I gather up the cattle and drive them up to Kansas to the slaughter houses up there. That is my day job you could say. I spend weeks driving them cattle to their deaths. I sleep under the stars. I hunt for my dinner and I'm always up for a rodeo in the sack if you know what I mean and I think..."
Yugo points at the camera
"You know what I mean. Next time you see your sister, tell her I said Hello and don't worry. That itch will go away in a week or two."
Yugo winks and snaps his fingers and takes a swig of his beer.
"So check this out right. I was on the last drive to Kansas. 350 head of cattle all marching on their way to the death shed. That's what we called the slaughter house. We stopped in this little town off the beaten path to wet our whistles and if we got lucky, or if the price was right, maybe a little polish on the old knob if you know what I mean."
Yugo again points his finger at the camera and takes a swig of his beer.
"And I think you know what I'm saying. While at this hole in the wall I see this flier on the wall and I'm not talking about the FBI posters either. I see a poster for this MSW and something gibberish about being Unstoppable and I'm thinking."
Snaps his fingers
"Hey! I'm Yugo fucking Phailous. I'm always up for a good old fashion fight. So after we dropped the slabs of meat off in Kansas I mosey on up here to Missouri and see for myself just what in the hell this MSW was all about and what do you know. Here I am. Yugo Phailous. Ready to toss my hat, all ten gallons of it into the ring and show you yankees just what this cowboy is all about because I guarantee you something."
Takes another drink.
"Ain't none of you pussies around here have seen a feller like me. I don't need some fancy ass pansy name like,Trickie Rickie or something. I don't need sparkly lady pants to climb in that ring. Just a old pair of wranglers and this white shirt. I don't have no need for elbow and knee pads because let's face it. This guy doesn't get on his knees for another dude. Now if you girlfriend wants me on my knees while she is standing right in my face."
Yugo snaps his fingers
"Then I'm your man if you know what I mean."
Another sip.
"And I'm thinking by now you know what I mean. You can keep those knee high padded boots too. These boots I'm wearing right here were custom made for kicking your ass. I'm the fastest gun slinger in the west."
Yugo holds up his one fist.
"And I will never run out of bullets either. So to every prep school drop out. To every city dude who has never seen a real man and to every gamer who just crawled out of your grandma's basement, you all need to step aside because Yugo Phailous has just laid claim to the MSW territory and I'm here for one thing and one thing only."
Yugo nods and takes the final sip of his beer.
"Crack skulls. Spill blood and lay some pipe in every good lookin' girl I see around here. I will run the table and I never bluff and worst of all for all of you. I will never ever quit! I don't even know what that means. Is that even a word or something you fancy pants pencil pushers made up? I'm thinking it is. Yugo Phailous has arrived....."
Yugo looks at his empty beer bottle and tosses it away. He touches the tip of his Stetson hat.
"And death follows me."
Fade out.
