Post by HEEL on Apr 17, 2014 22:26:30 GMT -6
"Oh, why am I not surprised? It'd be sooner or later where some fuck'n crybaby mouths off about how it's all a conspiracy. Yeah.. It's a conspiracy, York- it's all one big fix that you got BEAT by PEYTON VON LICHT."
[ Cue in on the face of the apparent 'Mr. Perfect ripoff', Bryce Manning. ]
"I've heard a lot of bitch'n and moan'n in my career, some warranted- some not, but this? This is absolutely fuck'n stupid. So you're mad 'cause you lost? You're read'n a 'letter' from Justin Gravitt.. That sounds like a third grader wrote?! No.. I'm serious, did you THINK about what you were say'n before you said it?! Did you take a second to turn the 'stupid filter' that connects your brain to your mouth on before you decided to flap your gums?! Let me repeat to you what you said- so you can see how fuck'n stupid it sounds."
[ Bryce cleared his throat all as he lifted a piece of white paper with some writing in black ink on it up and smirked. ]
".. this is so.. fuck'n awful. Anyway.. This is EXACTLY what Bryan York said, I'm not change'n a god damn thing 'bout it.. "" "Drear Mr. Bryan York, We have gotten several notices from not only fans who watch the produce we as MSW give out to fans but also the FCC about the amount of strong language you use in your promo but even worse then the language that your using. Is your disregard for the laws as you smoke weed on television. We here at MSW think you need to get your act together before we have to terminate you for the amount of complaints we are receiving."'
[ Sighing, it was apparent that The Architect was overwhelmed.. not with sympathy for York as Bryce was an advocate of speaking your mind- but overwhelmed with how stupid York made himself- and the MSW out to be with that poor excuse for a 'pipe bomb'. ]
"First of all, I know Justin Gravitt, I've known him for close to ten years now and I can guarantee you that he wouldn't send you a letter that read like that. The fans who watch the 'produce', really? Produce? Spelled PEE- ARE- OH- DEE- EWE- CEE- EEE?! Produce, Bryan.. Is what we buy from the supermarket. Lettuce? Apples? Oranges? Carrots? Fuck'n.. Cabbage?! ONIONS?! THAT'S PRODUCE, YOU MORON! If you're going to attempt to badmouth someone- make sure you pronounce things correctly you fuck'n MORON."
[ With another shake of his head, Bryce's eyes moved back down to the paper.. as he scanned it over, he shaked his head again as he crumpled it and threw it over his shoulder in a carefree manner all as he fixed his attention back onto the camera. ]
"Strong language? You claim to have gotten in trouble with Gravitt 'cause you cuss? I don't know if you've listened to a god damn word I've been say'n the ENTIRE time I've been apart of this roster but this isn't a bigger foul-mouthed asshole in this company aside of me! That letter is complete bullshit- it's a way for you to vent 'cause Peyton Von Licht handled you in the ring and you're sour about it. But worst than all of that.. Worst than how you're try'n to make Gravitt out to be a dick- which shouldn't be TOO hard.."
[ Winking to the camera, Bryce continued. ]
".. you decided to go and drag my name into the bitchfest you're have'n, think'n that it'll earn you brownie points probably. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but in this industry- yeah.. fuck it- the fourth wall is going to be BROKEN for this- in this industry, you're either over or you're not.. and you? You're not over. You THINK you're over, you THINK you put out two FAN-FUCK'N-TASTIC promos, but seriously? Nobody cares about you. You could pack your shit and leave at this moment and there wouldn't be a speed-bump in the show- the product wouldn't be affected by you leave'n. You're a fuck'n smark for yourself which is the worst kind of smark to be. You THINK you're great- you THINK you're the be-all, end-all ultra-mega-super-fuck'n-duper pro wrestler that gets panties wet and nipples hard.. but.. you aren't. Bryan York on the marquee wouldn't draw a fuck'n stick-figure, let alone 50 people to a high school gym IN YOUR OWN HOMETOWN. You're a NOBODY, you couldn't get over if I wrote you a fuck'n instruction manual on the subject!"
[ Bryce's face turned a light shade of red as the vein on his forehead begun to thump- the insides of his eyeballs went bloodshot as well.. ]
"A pipe bomb?! That's not a fuck'n pipe bomb, that's a FIRECRACKER. It's a RED DEVIL. You're not capable of drop'n a pipe bomb 'cause you lack the artistic quality to do so and in order to drop an effective.. 'pipe bomb'.."
[Of course, accompaying the phrase was the use of quotation fingers. ]
".. people would first have to give a fly'n FUCK what you're talk'n about! But the fact of the matter is that no Bryan- no one cares about what you're say'n. You're at a house show in Bumfuck, Missouri- by the way.. I didn't know we were runn'n houseshows neither- but you're stand'n in front of a casual crowd who probably doesn't even know Gravitt's position of power! You're STUPID and you're a complete EMBARRASSMENT to this industry. You're a complete fuck'n tool- guys like you are the reason why people like Nancy Grace target our fuck'n industry on their shows. Use some common sense you idiot and understand the difference between a casual crowd.. and a die-hard crowd. You showed up at an event that probably isn't attached to the MSW to vent about a problem you were have'n 'cause you're not SMART enough to come up with a way to get yourself over."
[ Yep, the temper had flared- Bryce was seeing red at this point. ]
"You wanna shoot, cowboy?! That's fine- 'cause I've been known to be Doc fuck'n Holliday and Johnny Ringo's lovechild in my day! The fastest gun- and most accurate and I'm turn'n that sum'bitch on you now. Since I've showed up here, I've heard not'n but NEGATIVE feedback regarding who you are and what you do. You were given an ample opportunity to show that you belong as a top tier talent but all you've done is piss the chance away with your shitty- 'Hey Look Guys, I smoke Weed and beat up irrelevant people' gimmick. You think you draw?! You think you're able to sell out an arena?! Fuck that.. With what? What do you offer? 'Cause you've seen Kevin Smith's movies and picked up the name 'Bluntman' you think you're edgy? You're a fuck'n joke, you don't belong ANYWHERE near a wrestling ring, let alone a company that's got the potential to be something special. You're just mad that Von Licht's work rate and effort shits on you- and your shitty quality. Yeah, have I slacked? Sure.. But I've got rightful reason to. What's PATHETIC is even though you're TRYING your best, you STILL ain't good enough to be anywhere the level of a Tyler Xero- of a Peyton Von Licht- of a Daniel Smart- of a fuck'n Bryce Manning. Am I tooting my own horn? You're god damned right I am, 'cause I've worked hard enough- I've busted my ass long enough to do so. While you're out crying in front of a imaginary audience at an obscure houseshow somewhere- realize that you're only damaging your shitty reputation. Don't burn the bridge if you've gotta cross the water- I think you're too stupid to even catch that reference."
[ Yet another sigh and shake of his head- but The Architect continued. ]
"You're off bad mouthing a guy like Tyler Xero who has EVERY tool in the fuck'n book to be a star.. while you're crying. I'd lock both you in a room for five minutes and my money would be on Xero knock'n your stupid ass out cold. You walk around like you're somekind of tough guy- like we're to be honored to be in your presence, all the mean while none of the boys in the back like you- they think you're a dick- and not the kind of dick that'd be envied- but the kind of dick that NOBODY wants to associate with 'cause you know JACKSHIT about the business. A Mister Perfect ripoff.. Really? Am I throwing myself touchdowns? Am I hitting no-look shots? Am I bowling a 300?! I doubt you even know who Mr. Perfect is aside of Googling 'good heel'. You can talk about guys like me- like Peyton- like Xero- and there's a reason why we're at where we're at- it's 'cause we know how and what the fuck to do. Xero dropped ONE promo this week and it's bigger and more effective than ANYTHING you've done in your career. Von Licht has the tools to be the next Daniel effin' Bryan.. What do you offer? Where's your slot, Bryan? Oh.. it's at a make-believe house shows.. cool. You know what? Stay there, don't bother coming back to the arena."
[ It was a pity how stupid people could be, especially when they thought they were able to 'change' the landscape of something. ]
"The only guy that's cookie-cutter is YOU. You think blowing trees and swearing makes you a badass? Rob Van Dam did it in ECW while you were still were trying to figure out left from fucking right. You think being 'Bluntman' in response to Von Licht's hero shtick is smart? It's a ripoff of Jay and Silent Bob. So don't sit there and act like you're some fuck'n original, all authentic bad-ass.. as the only one that's generic- and even worst.. BLAND is YOU."
[ Allowing another pause- Bryce waited a second, then continued. ]
"Your attempt to be CM Punk failed. You tried to go Buh-Buh Ray Dudley on us.. and that failed too. How about you go with Option C; Mike Awesome and do the only smart thing to spare us another waste of breath promo- go hang yourself, you fucking nobody."
[ FADE FROM PROBABLY AN IMAGINARY LOCKER-ROOM THAT ISN'T IN FRONT OF AN IMAGINARY CROWD AT A IMAGINARY HOUSE SHOW. ]