Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2014 9:49:27 GMT -6
I have not come to seek feedback about my lay promo. No I came for something a little bit different. I want to get some feedback on my character do you think he is someone who would thrive in this environment?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2014 21:00:06 GMT -6
Interesting gimmick. I think it'd be amusing if the "good" persona finds out about this bad guy (who happens to be his "bad" persona, but he doesn't know this), and he challenges them to a match!
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Post by Das Admin on May 14, 2014 21:28:04 GMT -6
I think you've got something interesting here, however,I feel before you jumped into your match RP you should have done some developmental work. Bring us into the character, maybe some real life instances in where his personalities have maybe gotten him into some trouble, or things of that matter. When you just jumped into it, I know I personally felt kind of lost, asking myself "what's going on here?"
Where-as if you did some developmental work, like I said, kind of an off camera, inside the life of who he is, what might have caused this split personality in him, or when it started to take effect. Does he know he has this dark side of him or is he oblivious to it? You have so many ways you can take this kind of a character man, but it's not stuff that you can do with just a few paragraphs. If you enjoy writing, I'd actually sit down and start wrting out different pieces of dev work. So even as your doing your matches you can still do dev RPs and we (as members of the fed) can begin to slowly see the growing depth of this complex character.
The other thing I could suggest is maybe not use different finishers for both guys because the way you have it set up will not be easy for us to write as lol. I'd keep the moveset the same, but switch between personalities. But don't JUST SWITCH ya know what I mean? It should be some kind of a build up, something that triggers his dark side to ome out.
Kind of like if you've ever seen Dexter how he carried on a normal life but he was actually a killer. Which I mean he knew what he was doing but you get that point. That's my honest feedback.
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Badgerman
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Post by Badgerman on May 15, 2014 8:13:48 GMT -6
Terrible video quality, but this is an example of what he's talking about.
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Post by Das Admin on May 16, 2014 17:07:39 GMT -6
Right, a trigger.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2014 19:11:27 GMT -6
What would be a good trigger?
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Post by Kaiser on May 16, 2014 19:18:05 GMT -6
A terrible loss? Is he a hardcore junkie (not drugs, as in does he like blood)? A feud getting too heated?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 16, 2014 20:04:23 GMT -6
Maybe when facing off against another Face?
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Post by HEEL on May 16, 2014 20:12:37 GMT -6
An interesting trigger would be if you had the crowd be apart of the switch. Maybe it's something they chant- a word or phrase that flips him into his other personality? That'd be a different way to handle things.
Or if not the crowd, maybe just a phrase that anyone- including himself would say that'd cause him to flip over, as majority of the time people with DID [Dissociative Identity Disorder] don't understand or realize they have another personality because they're pretty much 'unconscious' during the entire state (dissociative amnesia).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 5:43:07 GMT -6
What if because James is a face whenever the crowd boos or chants you suck, he turns.
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Post by Kaiser on May 17, 2014 6:18:08 GMT -6
That'd be an interesting way to turn him. The crowd could play a huge factor in how his personalities switch in and out. I also like HEEL's idea of them chanting something that makes him turn.
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Post by Das Admin on May 17, 2014 18:12:48 GMT -6
I think a phrase could do it. And having a strong back story for the character, something that may have happened in his life that caused this side to awaken in him.
Another interesting take could be that he knows what the trigger is, he knows he's got this other side (again because of maybe a deeper past) and he's afraid of what happens when this side comes out because he's a lot more dangerous and gives no fucks.
You can REALLY go a ton of ways with this, and I think it could really help you out as a writer a lot more, too. Really be able to be creative with it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 17, 2014 18:36:21 GMT -6
What if the trigger is that whenever someone says "You suck" his other side comes out. I feel like he shouldn't know about this other side yet. And later on he learns of it and uses it to his advantage.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2014 0:08:17 GMT -6
If you're facing a Heel opponent though, the switch would potentially happen too often. Maybe it could be if he sees the sight of his own blood?
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