Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2014 16:27:46 GMT -6
J
Monday, June 16, 2014
B
C
Monday, June 16, 2014
MSW.com Exclusive
For the record, this is the online edition of The Boneyard Vol. 2. Also for the record, Twitter is a shit-hole filled with vile repulsive fucks who can't shut the fuck up for one second, which would be fine if they weren't repeating themselves every day. Every day? What am I saying?! I'm giving them too much credit! Try every hour, every minute, every second! Oh, sure, you might be one of those people who'll "call me out" and say I've been doing the same thing with my Tweets (a term I begrudgingly use) about The Apocalypse. If you're one of those people, get a lobotomy, get sterilized, and don't be a danger to anyone around you with your barely-processing brain; I have a match against those two goons, so of course I'm going to mention them! Don't make it seem like I'm part of the wrestling version of The Young and the Restless over here!
With that being said, welcome to The Boneyard Vol. 2! Last week, your friend and mine Johnny B., he got a little dark. He went a little crazy. But don't you see? Once you say you're crazy, you're no longer crazy, so I've healed myself for free. I ought to be MSW's own personal psychiatrist! I'm an ideas man, you see. Always thinkin'. I've done so much for this industry, everything and then some (a re-working of an earlier thing I used to say), that I'm always trying to think of ways to expand my horizons.
I think I've thought of something, but I'll leave that in my big ol' meaty brain for the time being.
For now, I'm going to get to the meat and potatoes of this issue. In a couple of days, Yours Truly and his ever-reliable partner Yugo Phailous square off against the seemingly indomitable, indestructible and dangerously savage Apocalypse, aka Dante and Virgil. Those of you who have been catching up with me on Twitter know I have no love for those two. You also surely noticed that I concocted a marathon diss-fest in their (dis)honour. Those amongst you who've read my Tweets and are trying to imply that I'm taking those two lightly missed a few Tweets here and there.
Fun's fun, but... you people do realize that ol' JBC's legitimately taking this match more seriously than most any match he's had here in MSW? The only other man to give Yours Truly a run for his money was Daniel Smart, and he was taken out by some shit-head who claims to represent this company, so... you know... life's funny like that sometimes. Life is, The Apocalypse aren't.
The Pre-Millennium Wrestler has had many major challenges in his 15-year career; this is simply another major challenge, something he can get through. even better, he can get through this one with a partner by his side. Yugo's been a reliable partner, never living up to his last name, phonetically-speaking, that is. He's a wild and vulgar cowboy who's used to wrangling steers and other such, you know, impossibly strong and massive creatures; what chance do two human-sized men have against someone who can adeptly and deftly tangle with beasts of burden on a daily basis?
Dante and Virgil are deadly creatures, but they're still men. They're still a pair of guys with thin skin and two legs. They experience pain differently from animals. Oh, they might experience pain differently from the average man, that's true, but when they get branded, they'll scream like anyone else. When they're hogtied, they're done, superhuman or not. And when The Apocalypse have outlived their usefulness - which will be right about the time of Unstoppable IX - then they'll be led to the slaughterhouse, where their own Apocalypse will commence in the form of a bolt gun.
Of course, these are all analogies; I don't think Mr. Gravitt and Mr. Stevenson One and Two will be all too happy with televised murder. Rest assured, though, that Yugo is well-equipped to roll with demons. Even if Dante and Virgil are the Death that's been following him all this time, what are they going to do when they catch up to him? They'll wind up ridden, tagged, put to good work, then put to good death. Momentum-death, settle down.
But what about The Johnimant Species? What can be said about the angry, nutty, lovable Canadian that somehow still has the fans on his side? Well, I don't need to brag about myself. You've all seen what I've done, even if just in MSW. Those of you privy to my exploits elsewhere, my exploits in the past, and whatever the fuck else you've discovered, you stalker-ass motherfuckers, you know I come correct.
The Apocalypse are a problem that needs to be nipped in the bud before they gain that game-changing momentum. They're almost there. They're the biggest tandem threat in MSW, but Yugo and I are ready to switch places with them. If we take Dante and Virgil down, that sends a message to Neforian, that sends a message to the other tag-teams, that sends a message to the rest of the wrestlers in the back and it sends a message to the Big Bosses.
They randomly placed Yugo and I together, and their gamble has thus far paid dividends. Now it's time we up the ante ourselves. Make some net profit for ourselves. Now it's time we take matters into our own hands. Now it's time to take the helm of the tag-team division and rule the roost. Become the big birds who decide who gets fed and when. The Apocalypse are a massive pair of baby birds that demand being fed, but Yugo and I are gonna intercept all those chewed-up worms.
We're going to make Dante and Virgil starve. We're going to clip their wings and toss them out of the nest. We're going to look down on their broken bodies and laugh. Because Yugo was wrong all along: Death wasn't following him, it was his shadow he was sensing! Yugo is Death! And he's my partner!
What does that make me, you're asking? Hell, I'm driving the hearse! And we got two seats available, Apocalypse! They're in the back, but there's plenty of room to lie down. Plenty of room.
With that being said, welcome to The Boneyard Vol. 2! Last week, your friend and mine Johnny B., he got a little dark. He went a little crazy. But don't you see? Once you say you're crazy, you're no longer crazy, so I've healed myself for free. I ought to be MSW's own personal psychiatrist! I'm an ideas man, you see. Always thinkin'. I've done so much for this industry, everything and then some (a re-working of an earlier thing I used to say), that I'm always trying to think of ways to expand my horizons.
I think I've thought of something, but I'll leave that in my big ol' meaty brain for the time being.
For now, I'm going to get to the meat and potatoes of this issue. In a couple of days, Yours Truly and his ever-reliable partner Yugo Phailous square off against the seemingly indomitable, indestructible and dangerously savage Apocalypse, aka Dante and Virgil. Those of you who have been catching up with me on Twitter know I have no love for those two. You also surely noticed that I concocted a marathon diss-fest in their (dis)honour. Those amongst you who've read my Tweets and are trying to imply that I'm taking those two lightly missed a few Tweets here and there.
Fun's fun, but... you people do realize that ol' JBC's legitimately taking this match more seriously than most any match he's had here in MSW? The only other man to give Yours Truly a run for his money was Daniel Smart, and he was taken out by some shit-head who claims to represent this company, so... you know... life's funny like that sometimes. Life is, The Apocalypse aren't.
The Pre-Millennium Wrestler has had many major challenges in his 15-year career; this is simply another major challenge, something he can get through. even better, he can get through this one with a partner by his side. Yugo's been a reliable partner, never living up to his last name, phonetically-speaking, that is. He's a wild and vulgar cowboy who's used to wrangling steers and other such, you know, impossibly strong and massive creatures; what chance do two human-sized men have against someone who can adeptly and deftly tangle with beasts of burden on a daily basis?
Dante and Virgil are deadly creatures, but they're still men. They're still a pair of guys with thin skin and two legs. They experience pain differently from animals. Oh, they might experience pain differently from the average man, that's true, but when they get branded, they'll scream like anyone else. When they're hogtied, they're done, superhuman or not. And when The Apocalypse have outlived their usefulness - which will be right about the time of Unstoppable IX - then they'll be led to the slaughterhouse, where their own Apocalypse will commence in the form of a bolt gun.
Of course, these are all analogies; I don't think Mr. Gravitt and Mr. Stevenson One and Two will be all too happy with televised murder. Rest assured, though, that Yugo is well-equipped to roll with demons. Even if Dante and Virgil are the Death that's been following him all this time, what are they going to do when they catch up to him? They'll wind up ridden, tagged, put to good work, then put to good death. Momentum-death, settle down.
But what about The Johnimant Species? What can be said about the angry, nutty, lovable Canadian that somehow still has the fans on his side? Well, I don't need to brag about myself. You've all seen what I've done, even if just in MSW. Those of you privy to my exploits elsewhere, my exploits in the past, and whatever the fuck else you've discovered, you stalker-ass motherfuckers, you know I come correct.
The Apocalypse are a problem that needs to be nipped in the bud before they gain that game-changing momentum. They're almost there. They're the biggest tandem threat in MSW, but Yugo and I are ready to switch places with them. If we take Dante and Virgil down, that sends a message to Neforian, that sends a message to the other tag-teams, that sends a message to the rest of the wrestlers in the back and it sends a message to the Big Bosses.
They randomly placed Yugo and I together, and their gamble has thus far paid dividends. Now it's time we up the ante ourselves. Make some net profit for ourselves. Now it's time we take matters into our own hands. Now it's time to take the helm of the tag-team division and rule the roost. Become the big birds who decide who gets fed and when. The Apocalypse are a massive pair of baby birds that demand being fed, but Yugo and I are gonna intercept all those chewed-up worms.
We're going to make Dante and Virgil starve. We're going to clip their wings and toss them out of the nest. We're going to look down on their broken bodies and laugh. Because Yugo was wrong all along: Death wasn't following him, it was his shadow he was sensing! Yugo is Death! And he's my partner!
What does that make me, you're asking? Hell, I'm driving the hearse! And we got two seats available, Apocalypse! They're in the back, but there's plenty of room to lie down. Plenty of room.
Starfleet out.