Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2014 20:26:52 GMT -6
PROLOGUE: Unstoppable XI was major, a great way to precursor Back 2 Basics. The big Main Event turned into a clusterfuck, crushed under the weight of its enormity. That should have been expected though. Wait... "under the weight of its enormity"?! That was a duh statement for the ages! What was meant was, it was too big a Main Event, too heavy in many ways, that there was little choice but it exploding like it did! Oh, but hey! Do you guys like living in the past? Watching old Macho Man-Steamboat matches?? Well, then this shit ain't for you, because we're going to discuss the future, a place where the possibilities are endless.
But for four guys, there's only one future to look forward to.
No, not those guys in the Pure 15 Title match ya fucks!!!
What's the matter with you?!
So... where do we begin our story today? A barn? An arena? A hot tub? A garden? A cave in Afghanistan maybe???
No, because it's way too hot there.
You thought I was going to say something offensive, didn't you? Sick fucks...
Actually, in fact, our story begins in Carson, California, home of MSW's sister company in Legacy Wrestling.
And, oh, wow! It is taking place in a hot tub, just not on someone else's private property this time! Not only that, but the Canadian with the ever-changing facial hair and far too many nicknames is not alone! He's sitting alongside a man that many may already know around these parts... Adrian... Abernathy... Gates!
But... why? Why is this little piece of cinematographical genius airing from anywhere but Kansas City, Missouri? Well, remember when they visited Kansas City together a while back so The Johnny's man Ade could scope out sister territory? This is the reverse of that.
Johnny B.: "So Ade, now that the cameras are on, I can finally start talking!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wot a conveeeenient turn ov events, Bones!"
Johnny B.: "Yes! It's as if they knew we were here all along. Now Ade, I asked for this meeting today, not because I wanted to discuss our open challenge in Legacy, because that speaks for itself. We'll take what we need to when the time is right, don't you worry about that. No, today, we're gonna discuss my match in Missouri State!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wot's dat? ...Oh yeah, you wrestle dere, really, right."
Johnny glares at Ade, then shakes his head.
Johnny B.: "...I still don't know why that's so hard for you to understand. Yes, I wrestle there, I'm even a big deal around those parts! I'm gonna-"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "'ere, is you a champion dere, like?"
A troubling interruption.
Johnny B.: "...Nooo..."
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "You got all dem ladies wrapped 'round ya den?"
Johnny B.: "...uhh..."
Now it's Ade's turn to shake his head and let out some hearty tisks.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wotchu even do dere den, Bones?"
Johnny holds out his hands in his usual WTF style, flustered at how big-time Ade thinks. One could assume that due to his hard life, thinking big could be one of many things that gets him through the day. But this story isn't about Ade, now is it? Oh sure, it co-stars Ade, but this is about Johnny B.! This is about meeting his destiny at Back 2 Basics! This is about making up for his loss to Daniel Smart, losing out on his shot at what is now Bryce Manning's. This is about one last match before becoming a champion.
Thus far, the team of The Johnimant Species and Yugo Phailous have been nothing short of impressive ever since the dawn of their forced union. Domination is a word many people use haphazardly these days, but when it comes to The Bonecrushing Phailous, what other word can one use? Everyone put in their way has been rickety-wrecked, son! Some teams have even been destroyed, crushed under the ever-rolling wheels of the Pain Train, victims of stepping onto - and falling into - Yugo's Death-Shadow and being indelibly written into the ledger of The Pre-Millenium Wrestler's Violence Agenda™®©.
Only one roadblock remains, and is most assuredly the biggest, toughest roadblock The Bonecrushing Phailous have ever encountered: Frank Washington and Robert "Badger" Garland! A pair of men who don't need a fancy name. A pair of men well-known in this industry. Oh, and did we mention a pair of men that absolutely hate each other? The big question, however, is this: are their individual skills, impressive beyond measure, more reliable than their distrust for each other?
Distrust... ha! That's a laugh. Understatement of the year there, folks!
Johnny B.: "Ade... Ade... We've been through this: in Missouri State, Yours Truly's been a pretty big deal... regardless of my... current lack of title belts and big-breasted women. That all comes to an end at Back 2 Basics. Yugo and I're considered two of the very best Missouri has to offer in the tag-team division! They threw us together, there were no expectations, but little did they know that our arbitrary pairing would lead to something bigger than the entire state!
I used to think it was all a biiiig joke, Ade. I had never even spoke to Yugo before that fateful match that fateful day. To this day, I have no clue why me. Why Yugo. Why us together? And for that crazy-ass piece of chaotic kismet, I gotta give the Stevensons and ol' Giantola mad props. In retrospect, I can't even begin to think what I'd been doing if I wasn't busy plowing through the competition with The Phailer. Maybe trying to chase that sweet sweet piece of leather and metal around Manning's waist? Maybe punching Leo Banks so hard dollar bills fly out of him? Fuck if I know. I'm an ideas man, Ade, I swear I am... but a career here without Yugo... even I can't imagine it!"
Ade pondered long and hard at his manager's words. There was much to say back to his mentor, his rock. This small yet stocky Canadian, an ally to the Commonwealth and thus worthy of the Brixton native's respect, was a man whose words he always clung onto, even if it didn't seem that way.
Even. If. It. Didn't. Seem. That. Way.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "I didn't say nuffin' 'bout no amply-endowed birds dere, Bones..."
Even. If. It. Didn't. Seem. That. Way. Fuck.
Johnny B.: "God dammit, Ade..."
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Awright, Bones, no need ta start yer whingin'. I 'eard wot ya said in fact. Yer opponents, dey be, like, dem blokes Washinton an' Gall-and?"
Johnny B.: "Actually, it's-"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "An' dem blokes would love nuffin more dan ta tear each overs apart, like. Iv dere's a place where dat's gonna be most felt, it's gonna be at dis special show you've been goin' on about all week. You fink dey gonna be able ta juggle dat aminositee and bring yas down as well? I've tried dat way, an' dat don't work, Bones."
Ade had a point, but there's something he's missing there. A variable that's necessary to consider, because it is the ultimate difference-maker in this big-time match. After all, all avenues of thought in the tactics side of things should be considered here: this is to decide the first-ever MSW Tag-Team Champions!
Johnny B.: "Yyyyyeah... it's, uh, true Washington and Badger aren't getting along, shit, those motherfuckers straight hate each other, man! I even feel stupid broadcasting that, because everyone and their dog knows that shit!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "But den dere's-"
Johnny B.: "Yes! You're right!"
Johnny was pretty "chuffed" as Ade would have put it to interrupt his protégé for once.
Johnny B.: "There is a theoretical factor that pretty much no one's bothered to discuss, excellent observation, Ade! What if... what if, for at least one night only, that Washington and Badger, having had their fill of tormenting each other all this time, had only been laying it on thick so that on the off-chance they made it to the finals of the MSW Tag-Team Title Tournament, they could justify a ceasefire in order to focus solely on taking The Bonecrushing Phailous down?
I mean, think about it: against all odds themselves, they too made it to the finals. Despite their hatred, their bloody vendetta, they persevered. Those motherfuckers! If they can do all that while at each other's throats, what'll happen if they decide to play nice-nice at Back 2 Basics?!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Dey'll give you an' yours a proper thrashing an' walk outta dat show da new champs!"
Whose side is Ade even on?!
But nonetheless, he's got a point. This was Johnny's own theory, after all, he can't get mad at Ade for putting it as bluntly as he did.
Johnny B.: "Don't you think I've thought of that?! Ade? Huh? Yes, a lot of people have their money on Washington and Badger derailing us! Yes, the odds are finally, after all this time, not in our favour! Yes, I believe they're going to put aside their differences, all in the name of inaugural gold!
But you know what else I say 'yes' to, Ade? Do you?! I say 'yes' to The Bonecrushing Phailous! I say 'yes' to making an example of Washington and Badger! They might be a big deal around these parts, but Yugo and I're bigger! Yugo, plus Yours Truly, equals not. shook. Bet on the other guys! Go ahead! Because all you're gonna do is give us a bigger payout! We want you to put your Washingtons on Washington, and badger your friends to back Badger, because when it's all said and done, The Pain Train's pickin' up it's cargo: the MSW Tag-Team Title Belts.
And ain't no team, past, present or future, gonna be able ta take away our steam! Try! I dare ya! I double dare ya! Our destination is Back 2 Basics, but our end-point ain't on any map! We write the maps, we decides future destinations!"
JBC abruptly bolts up to his feet, causing a bit of a splash as he does.
Johnny B.: "THOMAS THE TANK AIN'T GOT SHIT ON US!!!"
Then there is a pause. The air crackles with an unseen energy. The Johnny's countenance shines brilliantly with the light of 1,000 suns. His determination is at an all-time high. His aura peaks with a fever pitch. He has never been readier to face this milestone head-on than he is at this very moment. A moment locked in time, etched in stone, indelibly written into a book of destiny whose contents can never be seen by mortal eyes. Steam rises and parts when meeting with King Shit on Fuck Mountain's husky frame. His body glistens, dripping with the ever-cooling droplets that once clung to him. This is his time. This is Yugo's time. This perfect moment encapsulated forevermore in the minds and hearts of everyone present.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "'ere, dat's some little baby's show ya just said da name ov dere, Bones!"
This ONCE perfect moment encapsulated forevermore in the minds and hearts of everyone present as they laugh.
But for four guys, there's only one future to look forward to.
No, not those guys in the Pure 15 Title match ya fucks!!!
What's the matter with you?!
So... where do we begin our story today? A barn? An arena? A hot tub? A garden? A cave in Afghanistan maybe???
No, because it's way too hot there.
You thought I was going to say something offensive, didn't you? Sick fucks...
Actually, in fact, our story begins in Carson, California, home of MSW's sister company in Legacy Wrestling.
And, oh, wow! It is taking place in a hot tub, just not on someone else's private property this time! Not only that, but the Canadian with the ever-changing facial hair and far too many nicknames is not alone! He's sitting alongside a man that many may already know around these parts... Adrian... Abernathy... Gates!
But... why? Why is this little piece of cinematographical genius airing from anywhere but Kansas City, Missouri? Well, remember when they visited Kansas City together a while back so The Johnny's man Ade could scope out sister territory? This is the reverse of that.
Johnny B.: "So Ade, now that the cameras are on, I can finally start talking!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wot a conveeeenient turn ov events, Bones!"
Johnny B.: "Yes! It's as if they knew we were here all along. Now Ade, I asked for this meeting today, not because I wanted to discuss our open challenge in Legacy, because that speaks for itself. We'll take what we need to when the time is right, don't you worry about that. No, today, we're gonna discuss my match in Missouri State!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wot's dat? ...Oh yeah, you wrestle dere, really, right."
Johnny glares at Ade, then shakes his head.
Johnny B.: "...I still don't know why that's so hard for you to understand. Yes, I wrestle there, I'm even a big deal around those parts! I'm gonna-"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "'ere, is you a champion dere, like?"
A troubling interruption.
Johnny B.: "...Nooo..."
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "You got all dem ladies wrapped 'round ya den?"
Johnny B.: "...uhh..."
Now it's Ade's turn to shake his head and let out some hearty tisks.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Wotchu even do dere den, Bones?"
Johnny holds out his hands in his usual WTF style, flustered at how big-time Ade thinks. One could assume that due to his hard life, thinking big could be one of many things that gets him through the day. But this story isn't about Ade, now is it? Oh sure, it co-stars Ade, but this is about Johnny B.! This is about meeting his destiny at Back 2 Basics! This is about making up for his loss to Daniel Smart, losing out on his shot at what is now Bryce Manning's. This is about one last match before becoming a champion.
Thus far, the team of The Johnimant Species and Yugo Phailous have been nothing short of impressive ever since the dawn of their forced union. Domination is a word many people use haphazardly these days, but when it comes to The Bonecrushing Phailous, what other word can one use? Everyone put in their way has been rickety-wrecked, son! Some teams have even been destroyed, crushed under the ever-rolling wheels of the Pain Train, victims of stepping onto - and falling into - Yugo's Death-Shadow and being indelibly written into the ledger of The Pre-Millenium Wrestler's Violence Agenda™®©.
Only one roadblock remains, and is most assuredly the biggest, toughest roadblock The Bonecrushing Phailous have ever encountered: Frank Washington and Robert "Badger" Garland! A pair of men who don't need a fancy name. A pair of men well-known in this industry. Oh, and did we mention a pair of men that absolutely hate each other? The big question, however, is this: are their individual skills, impressive beyond measure, more reliable than their distrust for each other?
Distrust... ha! That's a laugh. Understatement of the year there, folks!
Johnny B.: "Ade... Ade... We've been through this: in Missouri State, Yours Truly's been a pretty big deal... regardless of my... current lack of title belts and big-breasted women. That all comes to an end at Back 2 Basics. Yugo and I're considered two of the very best Missouri has to offer in the tag-team division! They threw us together, there were no expectations, but little did they know that our arbitrary pairing would lead to something bigger than the entire state!
I used to think it was all a biiiig joke, Ade. I had never even spoke to Yugo before that fateful match that fateful day. To this day, I have no clue why me. Why Yugo. Why us together? And for that crazy-ass piece of chaotic kismet, I gotta give the Stevensons and ol' Giantola mad props. In retrospect, I can't even begin to think what I'd been doing if I wasn't busy plowing through the competition with The Phailer. Maybe trying to chase that sweet sweet piece of leather and metal around Manning's waist? Maybe punching Leo Banks so hard dollar bills fly out of him? Fuck if I know. I'm an ideas man, Ade, I swear I am... but a career here without Yugo... even I can't imagine it!"
Ade pondered long and hard at his manager's words. There was much to say back to his mentor, his rock. This small yet stocky Canadian, an ally to the Commonwealth and thus worthy of the Brixton native's respect, was a man whose words he always clung onto, even if it didn't seem that way.
Even. If. It. Didn't. Seem. That. Way.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "I didn't say nuffin' 'bout no amply-endowed birds dere, Bones..."
Even. If. It. Didn't. Seem. That. Way. Fuck.
Johnny B.: "God dammit, Ade..."
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Awright, Bones, no need ta start yer whingin'. I 'eard wot ya said in fact. Yer opponents, dey be, like, dem blokes Washinton an' Gall-and?"
Johnny B.: "Actually, it's-"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "An' dem blokes would love nuffin more dan ta tear each overs apart, like. Iv dere's a place where dat's gonna be most felt, it's gonna be at dis special show you've been goin' on about all week. You fink dey gonna be able ta juggle dat aminositee and bring yas down as well? I've tried dat way, an' dat don't work, Bones."
Ade had a point, but there's something he's missing there. A variable that's necessary to consider, because it is the ultimate difference-maker in this big-time match. After all, all avenues of thought in the tactics side of things should be considered here: this is to decide the first-ever MSW Tag-Team Champions!
Johnny B.: "Yyyyyeah... it's, uh, true Washington and Badger aren't getting along, shit, those motherfuckers straight hate each other, man! I even feel stupid broadcasting that, because everyone and their dog knows that shit!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "But den dere's-"
Johnny B.: "Yes! You're right!"
Johnny was pretty "chuffed" as Ade would have put it to interrupt his protégé for once.
Johnny B.: "There is a theoretical factor that pretty much no one's bothered to discuss, excellent observation, Ade! What if... what if, for at least one night only, that Washington and Badger, having had their fill of tormenting each other all this time, had only been laying it on thick so that on the off-chance they made it to the finals of the MSW Tag-Team Title Tournament, they could justify a ceasefire in order to focus solely on taking The Bonecrushing Phailous down?
I mean, think about it: against all odds themselves, they too made it to the finals. Despite their hatred, their bloody vendetta, they persevered. Those motherfuckers! If they can do all that while at each other's throats, what'll happen if they decide to play nice-nice at Back 2 Basics?!"
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "Dey'll give you an' yours a proper thrashing an' walk outta dat show da new champs!"
Whose side is Ade even on?!
But nonetheless, he's got a point. This was Johnny's own theory, after all, he can't get mad at Ade for putting it as bluntly as he did.
Johnny B.: "Don't you think I've thought of that?! Ade? Huh? Yes, a lot of people have their money on Washington and Badger derailing us! Yes, the odds are finally, after all this time, not in our favour! Yes, I believe they're going to put aside their differences, all in the name of inaugural gold!
But you know what else I say 'yes' to, Ade? Do you?! I say 'yes' to The Bonecrushing Phailous! I say 'yes' to making an example of Washington and Badger! They might be a big deal around these parts, but Yugo and I're bigger! Yugo, plus Yours Truly, equals not. shook. Bet on the other guys! Go ahead! Because all you're gonna do is give us a bigger payout! We want you to put your Washingtons on Washington, and badger your friends to back Badger, because when it's all said and done, The Pain Train's pickin' up it's cargo: the MSW Tag-Team Title Belts.
And ain't no team, past, present or future, gonna be able ta take away our steam! Try! I dare ya! I double dare ya! Our destination is Back 2 Basics, but our end-point ain't on any map! We write the maps, we decides future destinations!"
JBC abruptly bolts up to his feet, causing a bit of a splash as he does.
Johnny B.: "THOMAS THE TANK AIN'T GOT SHIT ON US!!!"
Then there is a pause. The air crackles with an unseen energy. The Johnny's countenance shines brilliantly with the light of 1,000 suns. His determination is at an all-time high. His aura peaks with a fever pitch. He has never been readier to face this milestone head-on than he is at this very moment. A moment locked in time, etched in stone, indelibly written into a book of destiny whose contents can never be seen by mortal eyes. Steam rises and parts when meeting with King Shit on Fuck Mountain's husky frame. His body glistens, dripping with the ever-cooling droplets that once clung to him. This is his time. This is Yugo's time. This perfect moment encapsulated forevermore in the minds and hearts of everyone present.
Adrian Abernathy Gates: "'ere, dat's some little baby's show ya just said da name ov dere, Bones!"
This ONCE perfect moment encapsulated forevermore in the minds and hearts of everyone present as they laugh.
THE END.