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Post by Sister Catherine on May 3, 2016 8:15:50 GMT -6
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Post by Matt Ward on May 3, 2016 13:16:13 GMT -6
holy shit that was a fantastic start to this new chapter for her.
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Post by Sister Catherine on May 12, 2016 8:47:23 GMT -6
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Badgerman
Full Member
Welcome To Badger Land
Posts: 161
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Post by Badgerman on May 12, 2016 10:40:01 GMT -6
Feedback begets feedback, but truth be told I would have posted here eventually anyway. First off, the only negative I've got to speak about on this piece is (And this is completely subjective) that the red text gets kind of hard to read in succession. If this piece was a bit longer than my eyes may have started to hurt a bit. I've had this problem before, back in 2007. I too used red text and switch to orange after I found it tough to read through my own promos. Just something to think about. Dark colors can get rough to work with. Past that, I really enjoy the character work you've presented. You really build yourself up well for your upcoming match. I'm pumped after reading to see you in ring, and that's what your selling point should be for a debut. Your character reminds me a lot of The Preacher from Twisted Metal Black. He was a character who believed himself possessed by The Devil and was looking for redemption. However, you flip that by using your preacher resolve to bark at the sins of the masses. I'll post a link to The Preacher's opening/middle/ and ending in TMB just so you have a reference point for what I'm talking about. Spoilers for a 15 year old game, lol. In closing, great use of character writing and atmosphere. I'm interested to see how much of a character you can build from this starting point. I would hate to see you stay a preacher archetype and would love to see you make Sister Catherine a character who is a preacher and not a preacher that is a character. Keep going strong! *WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT BELOW*
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Post by Chris Williams on May 12, 2016 23:02:49 GMT -6
She might be the most terrifying thing in all of MSW right now, and we have at least 2 rabid beasts running rampant (Wolf and Badger).
The title alone makes my eyebrows raise, and the story that followed kept it going. She just seems like one of those characters that is really fucking twisted, yet captivating as all hell at the same time. My one issue that I could see potentially happening is that you may ruffle some feathers with this particular take on that religion. Hope not, but it could happen, so just be aware of that I guess? Wouldn't change anything about it tho, it's what makes the character how she is. Great job, will be very interested to see how she's written in the ring and by you in the future.
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Post by devilssaint on May 14, 2016 6:24:36 GMT -6
The worst part about giving feedback is having to actually getting my computer to type it out. I usually see people looking for feedback when I'm on my phone.
The character building is solid, so keep that up. I'll go in a different direction from Badger and say that the red could probably stay, but in different shades. One of the hardest things about reading your rps is that they are all one flat colour. I can tell that it will be hard for people to rp against it because they'll read what you say, type out a paragraph, go back to yours and lose where they were. I find that helps you because it throws off the person rping against you, but hinders your because it throws off the judges. One thing I have been doing here more than ever is formatting all of my roleplays so they are not a generic white colour, nor are they just flat grey. Yellow is pretty awesome to use here because it blends nicely with the background. However, if you do continue to use red I'd use the bright red for your character's speech and a darker red for her actions. i.e.
“Hello… MSW faithful… My name is Sister Catherine.” She gives the camera a faint smile, but there’s something about it. It seems… empty at first. She’s silent for a few moments, save for the slow turning of another page in The Testament. Her smile fades as her eyes shift down to see her place in the book, before gazing up from behind her thin framed glasses. She peers into the camera with a cold, eerie silence, as if she’s judging the viewer. “And there’s been a lot of… talk… questions… about me. They want to know who I am, what I am about, and if I have what it takes to be a Woman of Tradition in Missouri. Heh, well… I hope to answer all of those questions at Unstoppable 23, but there’s only one who knows the true answer to all of those questions, and that is the Lord Almighty.”
Another colour you can through in is a grey. I usually use code 9f9f9f for my background text. i.e.
“Hello… MSW faithful… My name is Sister Catherine.” She gives the camera a faint smile, but there’s something about it. It seems… empty at first. She’s silent for a few moments, save for the slow turning of another page in The Testament. Her smile fades as her eyes shift down to see her place in the book, before gazing up from behind her thin framed glasses. She peers into the camera with a cold, eerie silence, as if she’s judging the viewer. “And there’s been a lot of… talk… questions… about me. They want to know who I am, what I am about, and if I have what it takes to be a Woman of Tradition in Missouri. Heh, well… I hope to answer all of those questions at Unstoppable 23, but there’s only one who knows the true answer to all of those questions, and that is the Lord Almighty.”
It makes things just a bit easier to read. Also, if you're like "Wowie, those are some neat colours. Golly gee, I wish I had the codes for those." here they are. 9e1111 da0000
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Post by Sister Catherine on May 14, 2016 23:34:19 GMT -6
Badger: I understand what you mean about the red text. I thought about it and asked around. Some didn't mind it, but I'll see what I can do about it.
About the match hype, thank you! I was trying to go for that feel with the teaser I submitted for US22 and my dev and promo, the feeling of excitement because you wonder how this person is and what they're gonna do on their debut. I loved Twisted Metal and miss it. I haven't played the new one because it didn't seem like the TMs of old. Sweet Tooth's driver driving Outlaw's car? What? Only 3 of the actual drivers from the games? No way!
Thank you, though. I am hoping to add more elements to the character so she can hopefully become somewhat relate-able and not just a preacher constantly telling you guys not to sin.
Chris: lol thanks. It only gets creepier and more terrifying from here, I hope. Yeah, I thought about ruffling feathers before with this character, but I can't be scared you know? I really want to let my creative juices flow with her, and if she offends people? Hey, sorry, it's just how the character is. Offense is taken, not given, you know? I'm glad you like the title, I really wanted to go with the whole submissionist type with her, and being from the south where wrestling has always been huge, yeah..
Nikki: Thank you! That's actually a really good suggestion and I am going to tool around with them and see how they look. The second red you've chosen really looks good. They both have a blood feel to them. That grey is nice though. I'm glad you like my character building.
All: Thank you for your feedback and thanks to whoever else comments. I'm glad you all enjoy Sister Catherine and I can't wait to see where she goes from here on out.
The red thing: To be honest, the reason why I have her posts as all red because I've spoken with the admins about possibly having a little OOC gimmick to her where even in results, her match is colored all that color and everything that has to do with her is that color. Almost like Sin Cara always wrestling in a gold light. Maybe have her matches be in a crimson one? Who knows. I will point them to this feedback thread and see. Thank you all!
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Post by Sister Catherine on Jun 7, 2016 22:35:44 GMT -6
msw.freeforums.net/thread/1759/equal I have posted my 2nd competitive piece thus far. Feedback would be appreciated. I know I didn't change when it came to the crimson, but I've been told by others to stick with it, and I've come to enjoy it as it lets me just set it and write! :3
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